Connected
by HerNamewasAlice
Summary: "You've always been mine." Kylo recalls to Rey, their lives before he joined the First Order. (canon/popular theories) Kylo/Rey ship
1. Chapter 1

"You've always been mine," he stated flatly. There's bluntness in his tone with an underlying possessiveness to his voice.

Rey turned from the window and found him standing in front of her. He's dressed in dark clothing, with his mask in his hand. "For how long?" she asks. There isn't doubt in her voice because she doesn't doubt him. She believes him and deep inside she knew it was the truth.

"Since you were born," he said, clearing his throat. He was relaxed, content to the fact. She has always been his, it was set in stone.

"Were you upset or shaken by that?" she asked, raising her eyebrow.

"I was young, I didn't really understand it and so I took it lightly. I didn't meet you until you were five."

"You were fifteen then," she recalls from her limited memory. Ten years, they were ten years apart.

Kylo nodded, shifting the weight of his legs from side to side. He stood there still, keeping his distance from her. She was adamant, reluctant, and very afraid. She doesn't look afraid but he could feel her fear. He could see past everything, even by her tough exterior. "Yes. You were kept hidden until that age. Even from me."

"Why is that?"

"You were precious," he says without putting any meaning to the word. "You were valuable, a crucial component for Master Skywalker." He exhaled, wishing he had used a different word for precious. It was odd for him to say it and towards her for that matter. "You were just a child, very afraid of everything. You were kept so sheltered." Kylo lets out a small laugh.

Rey blinked. She had never seen him laugh before. The only time he did was when he was sinister. "How was it like, meeting me?"

"Uncomfortable and bizarre. I was still an apprentice for Master Skywalker then - " he paused. He found his body slowly edging towards her.

Rey nodded. "You...you- had very soft looking hair," she recalled. She remembers it, siting in temple by the window and playing by herself while Master Skywalker was training his students. She was alone in the temple until Kylo came - Ben. "You were dressed in Jedi robes instead of all black."

He nodded, watching her eyes pull away from her memories and turning dull. She doesn't want to remember. "I went to you and I played with you. You were so excited to have someone play with you that you talked really fast and laughed after every sentence. It wasn't until an hour later into playing that you asked who I was." Kylo purposely went quiet, waiting and hoping for her to chime in but she doesn't. "And I told you who I was. I told you my name -

"Your real name," she said firmly. Kylo cringed and secretly, Rey smiled. She wanted him to feel pain. Some bit of remorse. For months he had been hunting her down and now he has her in his ship.

"Then I was Ben. And I told you that I will always be part of your life from that moment." He examines her, watching her green eyes furrow and her shoulders tense up. "I didn't tell you everything then because you were so young but we were betrothed and that one day, years from now you would be my wife."

She shuddered to the image of it - young Ben looking at her as the child her played with toys. She could just see it, young Ben staring in quiet horror of his future wife in a sunken manner but immediately accepting the fact. "You wanted someone your own age but you accepted it." Like you always do, she wanted to say. He never made a decision for himself, she knew by the stories of him. His whole life, Kylo had someone tell him what to do.

"Well I was fifteen, of course I wasn't happy about marrying a child," he snorted. "It felt wrong. You were young and you saw me as a brother."

"Why did you accept the reality of it though?" she countered. If she was in the position, she wouldn't have been so adaptive to it.

"The Force," he mumbled. "Our fates are linked and there's nothing you can do to stop it. I will always be drawn to you and you'll always be drawn to me."

Her cheeks became hot and her blood began to boil. She opened her mouth but stopped herself. Instead she sighed and changed the subject. "We played for a long time the first day we met didn't we?"

"Yes. Hours."

"You had a serious face but you eventually smiled once," she recalled cheekily.

"You had happiness in you, very contagious for that matter," he countered stubbornly. He's sitting next to her - he doesn't know when that happened.

"Did you see me any other time than just that day?"

He nodded. "After that, I was allowed to see you every day. I went to play with you after every practice."

"Did you ever hurt me?"

"No," he snapped quickly. Something in him became defensive, hurt. "I never laid a finger on you like that," he knew what she was thinking. "I saw you as a little sister. I was very gentle with you."

"Why did Master Skywalker let you see me so young?" she asked, locking her eyes on to him. Rey knew how these arranged marriages went. The man and woman wouldn't see each other until the woman was of age. Seeing each other prior would have affected the bond. She remembers him, he was like an older brother to her, attentive and kind.

"I was at the age when I was rebelling. He was running out of resources and resorted to that. He wanted to bring some humanity to me."

"Well that didn't work," she scoffed, eyeing the helmet. It startles her what has become.

"You're still around," he bit out every word.

"What do you mean?"

Kylo exhaled deeply. "Despite Master Skywalker's efforts to bring humanity to me, within 3 months, I became an apprentice to Snoke." His whole body was constricting as he saw flashes of himself killing off all the Jedi. "I killed all the Jedi," he mumbled out loud.

"Except for me," her voice went low. Her eyes were flickering wildly. She remembers it so vividly. (She didn't see him kill them. She was in her secluded room playing when it happened but she remembered when he came into her room. He was holding his lightsaber and he was covered in blood but Rey didn't put it together.)

"Were you afraid?"

"No - I didn't know what was going on," she admitted.

"You were so young that's why," he muttered. He doesn't sound human. "When you saw me, you jumped up and smiled. You greeted me and pulled me by the hand to play with you -

"And you broke down and cried." Her heart stopped beating. "You cried in front of me. You were on your knees, your hands covering your face."

"You didn't know what was going on. You were so confused but you weren't afraid."

"I wasn't afraid at all," she nodded.

"I was there to kill you."

"But you didn't."

He shook his head. "No I didn't."

"And you told me nothing was wrong and that we were going out for a game. And you took me to your ship."

"And I took you to Jakku," his spoke in a whisper.

"And you told me that you'll come back soon. And you left me there," she spoke in a whisper.

"I did."

"Why did you?"

"To keep you safe." He has compassion for her.

"Did you ever plan to come back?" her fingers curled into fists. Anger is bubbling inside of her, but for a different reason. She's angry that she has sympathy for him.

"Of course I did. I planned to come back when you were old enough."

"When was that?" she asked in agitation. All those years of waiting for him - wasted.

"I planned to get you months ago but someone beat me to it by a couple weeks."

"Finn," she mouthed to herself.

"And when I did see you -

"You carried me," she mumbled softly. He carried her after he knocked her out - but he held her gently. Protectively.

"I carried you," he repeated faintly. His eyes were locked onto her skin, the milkiness of her throat - her collarbones -her breasts. "And now we're here."

* * *

to be continued?


	2. Chapter 2

She senses it, his eyes on her.

A second layer of skin began to build, very rapidly in that very moment. "Don't you look at me like that," she snapped at him, putting venom into every word.

Kylo flinched slightly but in animal like manner for he recoiled quickly and was unaffected. He smirked at her then and remained coy. "Why are you here?" he countered in a low voice, taunting her.

Her hands tightened into fists as her adrenaline began to spread all across her body, urging her to strike him. "You captured me, have you forgotten?" she screamed back.

He smirked again with wickedness in his eyes. "But yet you stay," he countered, tilting his head at her. He stared at her without care and instead with belittlement. "You've been here for three days and yet you stay. Why is that?"

"Because you kept me here!" she said quickly. "If I could leave, I would!"

"Is that so?" he asked in a condescending manner. "I've been keeping an eye on you since you've been here. You haven't made any efforts to escape - no running, no little mind tricks, no kicking and screaming. Instead you're always here - sitting by the window looking out. Which is strange because the first time I captured you, you escaped as fast as you could," he became smug. "It's as if you don't want to leave."

Rey became quiet.

"And I thought it was an absurd thought and so I tested it" - he pointed at the door, keeping his gaze on her. "The door has been unlocked since this morning. Do you know that?"

"Of course!" she sneered. "But I wasn't sure it was a trap or not. That's why I didn't try to leave."

"We both know that you're lying." He knew what she was capable of. Leaving the door unlocked was a risk but Kylo didn't care. He wanted to know if she would stay even when being offered a way to escape. "You want to stay and you want to stay with me."

"No I don't," her eyes narrowed.

"You want to find out about yourself. I can help you," he offered in the same tone he used when he wanted to be her teacher.

She shook her head at him fiercely. "My family left me in Jakku," she hissed at him. "Not you." She knew the truth. She remembered it vividly.

"No they didn't. I left you there. You were a child then, those memories are false, created to comfort you."

"You're lying!"

"Why would I lie?"

"I remember them, every one of them - their faces -

"You remember your mother - a tall slender woman with long flowing brown hair and freckles on her cheeks and shoulders. She was a lovely woman who spent her days watching you and tending to the gardens. And you remember a man with a dark beard with a square jawline, your father - he was a mechanic. He was a hard working man but always made time for you."

Rey blinked and became pale.

"Those people don't exist. They aren't real."

"How do you know all of this?"

"Because I created those memories."

* * *

"The door is open. You can leave whenever you want," he whispered softly. He knows what to do to get her to stay.

She scolded him then. He was playing mind games with her. He was manipulating her. If she left, he would put her back here and if she stayed, she would only be giving him the satisfaction. "It's a trap -" she stopped herself mid sentence and paused. "Who are my parents?" the words slipped out. Her heart was beating slowly. Her senses were heightened as goosebumps began to spread across her body. She was hesitant to everything she was told but there was something to his words - that perhaps it's not completely a lie. "Who are my parents?"

* * *

They talked for hours until the night was gone. Rey was asleep in the cot while he was sitting by the window, examining her.

She looked so peaceful, harmless almost. Her breathing was faint and she barely moved at all. He was transfixed by the way her chest moved slowly, up and down. Her breasts looked very tense - most likely due to the fact that she kept her bindings on every night she had been here.

He exhaled and stood up. Slowly he made his way out of the room and locked the door.

"What do you want us to do?" a stormtrooper asked.

"Keep the door locked. Make sure she doesn't escape."


	3. Chapter 3

"I want to leave," she shouted.

"That's out of the question," he said nonchalantly. He doesn't flinch, doesn't even bat an eyelash.

Rey huffed in frustration. He's sitting on her bed. She glared at him but he doesn't move. She exhaled again and continued to pace around the room. "I'm not joining you," she shouted.

"You don't have to. You're just mad at yourself for secretly wanting to stay here."

"I don't!" she sneered. "If you haven't been informed by your sad excuse for guards, I've been trying to escape every single day that I've been here!"

He smirked at her. "You're stubborn and prideful, nothing more. Deep down you want to stay. You've been conditioned to stay wherever anyone has placed you, even when you were young," he chastised.

Her eyes lit up in interest and horror all at once. She continued to pace but slowly.

"Ever since you were born, you were conditioned that way. You were mainly locked up in your room in temple, away from anyone. It was just you and your toys. From time to time Luke would check up on you but only for a while."

"Did I ever wonder what was outside of temple?"

Kylo shrugged. "You were young. You did what you were told and that was that. You didn't think otherwise."

"Did I start to wonder when you came?"

He let out a smirk. "You wanted to follow me endlessly. You asked me so many questions."

Rey sees it - her child self running after him, attempting to catch up to him. She remembers his laughter - the way his lips went thin when he laughed and smiled. Even when she ran to him during his practice with the other students, he didn't mind. He wasn't embarrassed when she eagerly called out for him, instead he was amused.

"But I couldn't follow you everywhere."

He frowned. "No." He remembers leaving her in Jakku -her cries - her cries kept him up for years. He spent years haunted by his thoughts, wondering if she was alive and wasn't lonely. He left her as a child with nothing.

"If you care about me you would let me go," she countered, sensing him at his low point. "It's not right of you to keep me locked up."

He glared. "I never let you go." There's darkness in his tone, possessiveness.

"I've spent thirteen years in Jakku -

"How does that make it any different than in a room in temple? You had all those years to leave but you stayed in Jakku. If your friend never showed up, you would have never left Jakku."

Her eyebrows furrowed immediately. "I stayed there for a reason. I stayed there waiting for my family, if I had known that was all a lie and just a way for you to keep me there, I would have left - " Rey paused. "What would happened if Finn didn't show up?"

"I would have came for you," he said in a mesmerizing tone. "I would have taken you away from that horrible planet."

"Would you have told me everything?"

He shook his head. "No. I wanted you to think I was a stranger."

"Where would you take me?"

"Anywhere I went."

"What would I be to you?"

He stood up and snatched her by the wrist, bringing her closer to him. "You already know."


	4. Chapter 4

He pulls her closer to him until there was no space between them. She can feel him, he's hard.

"Let go of me," she threatened through gritted teeth.

Kylo flashed her a crooked smile. He pushed her down the floor and pinned her down - just like that.

And she put up a fight, just like that.

She kicked and screamed, clawing his face out. "Get off of me!" she screeched.

He remained unfazed and instead became amused. He enjoyed overpowering her, seeing her struggle. His eyes darkened as he became aroused with her movements. "You're mine," his voice went cold."You've been mine since you were young." There's madness in his tone. His eyes reflected nothing but possessiveness at her. He put her hands over her head as he cupped her chin and made her look at him. "Do I make myself clear?"

Her eyes furrowed. She twitched in his hand but his grasp was firm. Her eyes locked onto him, his features. He looks different than what she remembered. He's darker, his features are more elongated, sharper - from his cheekbones to gaze. The only thing that remained was his thin mouth. Ben was unhappy but Kylo was emotionless. Kylo felt nothing. That was the other difference.

He didn't age well. He looks older than his actual age.

"How can you look at me like that?" she asked in a low voice. There's exasperation in her voice. Disgust. Interest.

His face fell until there was no expression on his face. His eyes flickered slowly. "You're different," he responded in a short phrases. Murmurs. "So many years has passed."

"Yes but the last memory you had of me was of me young."

"You're not young anymore," he countered.

Rey became silent.

"You're stubborn. You're opinionated. You're defiant to authority. You listen to your own judgement and no one else's." His fingers grazed her cheek. Automatically she locked eyes onto his. His eyes were so empty. He's still on her with a tight grasp but she wasn't trying to escape anymore. "You're no longer naive. You don't believe in everything you're told."

"I don't want to be kept here."

"That's not in your control anymore." His fingers are in her hair - when did they get there?

"I don't want to be with you," she hissed.

"In time you will."

"Keeping me locked up won't help your case at all," she bit every word. This wasn't normal. This wasn't love.

"And what? Letting you go wherever you please will help my case? My parents did that and their marriage fell apart. I watch my mother spend her days wondering where he was - waiting for him. It broke her and it broke me. You are meant to stay with me. Wherever I go you will go."

You killed your own father, she wanted to say. She wanted to scream it out but her conscience wouldn't let her. It was too cruel - but it was the truth. Rey saw it - saw Han's eyes die out as Kylo yanked his lightsaber out of his father's body. "Do you miss him?"

His face crumpled apart and his arms began to tremble. He lowered himself closer to her. "No."

"You're lying."

"Am I? I spoke no kind words of him to you after all this time."

"He's your father -

"He broke my mother's heart."

She froze from his words and how he was lowering himself towards her.

"He didn't just leave her for long periods of time. He left me. He wasn't a father."

"There was once a time -

"Yes when they were in love. That was such a long ago - I don't even remember a good day."

"You're lying," she said. She's tempting him but she doesn't care. "I see it in the way you talk, you tremble. You tremble like a little boy."

He winced but kept a blank face. "When he left it was for long periods of time. He left for months and tried to make up for lost time but he was so absent that we became distant. I became like him that it frightened Leia that she sent me away."

"She told me she sent you away to help you because there was so much of Vader in you."

"There was both," he whispered faintly. His head was on her now - he was so much of a boy. "You will stay," he ordered. It sounded like a threat. His fingers were pulling at her hair, pulling her hair from its ties.

"I don't want to be with you -

"You're lying. I know you are. You get defensive when you lie. You're gravitated towards me the way I'm gravitated towards you. It's beyond our control. I can feel your heart beating." He sat up and lifted her closer to him. Her hair was down and he was smoothing her hair - grooming her. She shuddered with how intimate it was. He had a stern face as he ran his fingers through her hair. He was an animal and she was his mate.

His heart was pounding against her skin. "And I can feel yours," she breathed.

* * *

to be continued


	5. Chapter 5

He grabs her by the hip and hooked his leg behind hers. He pulled her down then, pulls her gently to the ground. He does this so swiftly that she didn't have time to pull away.

"What are you doing?" she asked. She tries to move away but his hand was to her back. He was placing her down to the ground.

There was a serious expression on his face, stern and concealed. "We're going to connect," he murmured to her.

"What are you talking about?"

He climbed on top of her. "Body to body," he said each word slowly for her mind to register.

Rey pushed him away immediately. "No. Get off of me." She swung her arm to strike him but he catches her it by her wrist. She let out an angry screech and hit him, using all her energy. His expression remained unchanged.

"Rey," he said her name firmly. "You have nothing to be afraid."

"You're trying to rape me!" she screamed. She kept hitting him but he wouldn't move. It wasn't hurting him.

"No. No I'm not," his eyes narrowed. "Stop," he grabs her by the wrist again from striking. "Rey you're going to tire yourself from doing that. There's no use. I know you. I've been studying your movements for a long time." He blocks her again.

"I don't want to sleep with you," she spat in his face. His lip twitched slightly but he kept his expression unchanged. When he didn't react to her, it frustrated her. Infuriated her. It let her know who had authority. "Let go of me," she twisted underneath his grasp.

"Yes you do," he said gently. He lets go of her arms then. "I've read your mind many times. You want to sleep with me." He rested his chin on the crook of her neck. He exhaled several times, becoming tranquil.

Rey rolled her eyes. "And why would I want to do that?"

"Biologically we are programmed to. By the Force we desire to. And you -

"What about me?"

He chuckled then.

Rey's eyes widened from the sound. Was...was that a laugh?

"You want to so you can feel whole again," he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Everything you are now, every flaw, every downfall - every time you seek for someone's approval and love is because of me. No one else can ever satisfy what you need except the person that made you who you are. And that's me. Your life began in Jakku. Your loneliness and fear of abandonment was from that day I left you. I saw it in your eyes when you saw me again, you knew that I was the person you've been waiting for. Am I correct?"

"You-you felt familiar."

He propped his head up and looked at her. "Us connecting will make those insecurities and fears go away," he said softly.

"I don't want to."

"Then you'll continue to have that hole in your heart." He got off of her and sat up. She sat up as well. They were sitting in front of each other, so close.

"It's not a good idea. Physically you want to -

"I see you've been reading my mind," he mused.

Her eyebrows narrowed. "And emotionally I want to - those are different reasons."

"But they all connect one way or another."

"I'm scared of you," she admitted. "I'm scared of what you'll do to me."

"You're scared that you might like it."

"Get out of my mind."

"You're afraid that by sleeping with me that you'll be giving yourself and your weakness to me but I already have you. I already have you underneath my fingertips." He kissed her on the cheek then. "You know that I take whatever I want." He stroked her cheek, calming her tense nerves. "It's alright. I'll be gentle with you. I'll go at your pace." He remembers when he first saw her after so many years. There was fear in her eyes as he chased her down. His hand slid down to her shoulder and slowly, in graceful motions he removed each layer of her clothing.

He keeps his eyes on her as he peeled off each layer that concealed her. He had been examining her clothes since the first time he interrogated her. He had been studying which layer had to come out first and where.

"You are mine. Do you know that?" he asked in a low tone. He kissed her on the forehead and then her cheeks. He kisses her as softly as he could, gently. The second he kissed her, something overcame her. Something she didn't understand. "Are you alright?"

Rey nodded. She curled into him as he unwrapped her chest bindings.

He takes his time to unwrap her bindings, savoring every moment.

"You kissed me before," she said faintly, her eyes lowering. She lets him nuzzle her neck, lets his fingers trace patterns onto her skin. "Once. Long ago."

Kylo nodded. "When was that?" he asks, wanting her to search her repressed memories.

"When you left me in Jakku. You kissed me on the cheek before you left me - did you ever imagine it would become like this?" She shivered at the touch of his calloused hands.

"No." He kisses her jawline, every little edge and curve of hers. "But I'm happy." He drops her bindings, leaving her bare.

Her eyes flickered. Instinctively she covered herself with her hands. She feels something, a strange hardness pulsating on her leg. "Why?"

"Because our connection is stronger. Deeper." His hand ghosts to hers and pulls them away. She lets him - she doesn't know why but she lets him. She lets him feel her breasts as his eyes were darkening by the second. She shuddered. She feels the strange pulsating sensation growing stronger.

"Why don't you wear your hair up anymore?" he asks, pressing a kiss on her neck. He lightly grabbed her hand and placed it at his hardness.

"Because I know you like it," she mumbled, becoming flushed. The whole time since she had been here, he never said it but Rey knew. She knew by the way he would look at her longingly when he saw her put her hair into buns. "And I don't want to please." She wants to move her hand away but she's fascinated on how much his cock was throbbing.

He smirked at her. "We'll see about that."

* * *

to be continued


	6. Chapter 6

She remembers Ben well. He only exists in memories, or what she had assumed, to be dreams. She remembers him, this scrawny pale faced figure with sharp angry looking eyebrows. She remembers those days in the temple, watching him practice through her window. The memory is so strong that she can visualize it, put herself into the picture, right next to the little girl.

There was nothing but concentration when he trained. There was anger, tension, and focus.

She was always so fascinated watching him practice. It was a dark contrast to the person Ben was, a kind and level headed person. He was friendly with her, always visited her, even when he wasn't permitted. There was some nights where he would sneak into her room and give her company. He would tell her stories - fantastical and hopeful ones - and he would play with her - and whenever she was afraid, he would comfort her.

She was only child, she didn't know was what going on with him.

She didn't know his inner turmoil.

All the times she saw him sitting down in the temple in silence, she didn't much of it. All the times she saw him accept being yelled at and ridiculed, she didn't think much. All those times he stayed longer to practice while the other students socialize - she didn't know that he was unaccepted. The child her didn't know. She was naive, unaware that he was lonely.

Before her, he would read to pass the time - to ease the loneliness.

And when she came into his life, he would read beside her. Right next to her. Converse her into the story.

Every time she saw him, she would run to him in excitement and hug him. He was protective of her, brotherly almost.

Rey doesn't know why she's thinking of this - especially right now when he's gradually sliding himself into her. She's on her back and still, watching him indifferently. She refuses to show any fear. He's kissing her cheeks, comforting her, attempting to distract her from the pain.

"Hold on to me," he murmured to her hair. "It's going to hurt but you can sink your nails into my back."

She doesn't respond. She already gave up with resisting. She's curious, curious how this will be with him. But she feels like crying, just a bit. Her eyes widened as the pain grew in between her legs and sharpened - she immediately wrapped her arms around him.

He kisses her hair then, petting her. "It's okay, it's going to hurt. But you can leave scars on me. Bruise me up."

She bit on to her lip - it hurts. It really hurts, tears are running down her eyes. She's twitching slightly - he's still slowly going in. He's not even half way in. She sank her nails into his back, nearly clawing him. His shoulders are broad and he was built sturdy and muscular. Underneath him, she felt fragile. She shuts her eyes tight. She doesn't want to see him. She doesn't want to see his face falter. She doesn't want to feel anything towards him but she does.

She could feel him kissing her all over as he gently began to thrust into her.

They were quiet but all Rey could hear was a conversation from years ago:

 _"Ben I would like to have a word with you," Master Skywalker said in a low tone._

 _Ben blinked but quickly nodded. "Yes-yes- Master," he stammered, smoothing the wrinkles of his tunic._

 _"Something has changed in you," Master Skywalker frowned. "You're disconnected to everything. You're falling behind - this isn't like you. You're always top in each subject and matches. What's wrong?"_

 _"I just...I just want to go home," he swallowed hard._

 _Master Skywalker frowned. "You know you can't."_

There were a handful of nights that she woke up to the sound of crying as a child. She would follow the sound and would find him sobbing into his hands.

She opened her eyes then, to him.

To now.

He's staring at her and had been staring at her. He's still thrusting into her, going at a steady pace. It doesn't hurt as much but there was still pressure. He kisses her neck then. He doesn't smile but she knows that he wants to except he didn't know how. Her hands are still wrapped around him - his back must have been raw by now but he seemed unfazed. She finds her legs wrapped around his waist - when did her legs get like that? She can feel how wet she was - she didn't know her body could get like that.

She looks at him - this lonely boy.

This lonely boy was everything to her. He was her protector. Even when she found him crying, he would brush it off and paint a smile for her. Out of weakness, she kisses his nose. He paused and blinked. He was stunned but he was pleased. She knew that for a fact because she could feel him twitching inside of her. She kisses his nose again, for all the times the boy was teased about it.

He kisses her cheek in reciprocation and she kisses his throat.

He lets out a little moan of pleasure, that lonely boy.

She's amazed how easy he falters for her.

She moves her fingers from his back and to his hair. His face softens without any hesitation. She runs her fingers through his hair - his hair is soft. Silky.

He stops thrusting into her and rests his face in between her neck and chest. He lets her stroke his hair - he holds her. He stays still until the pressure began to build up and become uncomfortable. He moved again then but it didn't hurt as much. Her legs were still wrapped around his waist but she found something different - she found herself following his movements - her hips following.

Before she knew it, their pace was quickening. Any time it hurt her, she would kiss his neck and face. Everything was shaking and she was being slammed around by his movements - before she knew it, she was kissing him and was locked into a kiss.

This was wrong. He was using her - manipulating her and she was being weak - out of her mind and character - but right now it felt right.

She shouldn't fall so hard from her principles but then he says something.

"I love you," he said quietly.

And that changed everything.


	7. Chapter 7

**a/n: warning stockholm syndrome. been like that for a while.**

* * *

Six days.

That was how long she had been here.

Huh.

It seemed much longer.

Six days.

It felt like weeks.

Six days it took for her to be here, with her legs wrapped around him. Six days for her to allow him to kiss her and for her to kiss him in return. It's frightening how she fell. What seemed like weeks was only in a matter of a few days. His cock is buried deep into her, pulsating. Twitching. It took a while for him to stretch her out but now he was in and she doesn't know how to get out of this.

This...this wasn't sex.

This was something else.

It wasn't love that was certain.

This - this was bond. This was connection.

She hears him humming in pleasure. She looks up at him and finds him staring down at their joined parts. They fit, that surprises her. They fit. "It's a beautiful thing," he states faintly. There's satisfaction in his tone, his eyes fixated at what he was doing to her body - to her. She's wet - spilling out in pleasure while he was nestled in, pulsating - almost there.

It feels painful.

It feels good.

This man was in her, this man was hers. This man had been, even before she was born.

Rey blinked at the sight.

This wasn't right.

"Do I please you?" he asks her then.

She doesn't answer. She's falling - trying to hold on to something.

His eyes darken but he reaches for her cheek gently. A wonderful strategy it was because she falters.

"Physically you do," she mumbled out of spite, attempting to suppress her moans. He's still thrusting into her but she takes herself out, watching them spill just a bit. All the blood had rushed down to his cock and it was coated in her. "This is wrong. I feel disgusted with myself. Dirty."

Kylo tilted his head at her, his eyes darkening more. She doesn't even see his pupils anymore. He grabs her by her thighs then, pulling her closer to him. "Let me clean you up then." He parts her thighs and nestles in between them, putting his mouth on her wet cunt.

She winces slightly but settles in to the sensation.

His tongue laps all over her before sinking into her folds and sucking on them. Rey shut her eyes and bites the bottled up pleasure onto his shoulder.

"You can scream," he murmurs as he drinks her. "It doesn't matter if anyone hears. Everyone knows that you are mine."

His words don't comfort her at all. She keeps biting his skin, biting the screams and moan away. She's far too proud to make a sound. He doesn't argue with her and finishes her off until she couldn't suppress herself. She screams and ends with a satisfied sigh.

He wipes his wet mouth, letting out a smirk at the sight of her flushed face. She's covered in herself, this sweet thick substance. He leans down and fingers her a bit to build up her arousal again. He does this gently with a stern stare. Her legs twitch slightly to close but she opens them wide for him. What's done is done. She couldn't take it back - she couldn't - so why not finish?

They position themselves without any defiance or refusal. The second she wrapped her legs around his waist, he took her.

She kisses his neck but for all the reasons. She kisses to repulse herself but she doesn't feel anything. The sinking feeling in her heart had vanished. She kisses to pull herself back but at this moment, this felt right. She kisses for that smile of his.

She moves up to his mouth. He takes her lips with enthusiasm, with a curved smile - she wondered when was the last time he smiled. She kisses along that smile and sees an memory of Han and Leia reuniting after a long time. There are tears in Leia's eyes, and Rey could hear Leia sighing in relief, filling the empty hole that Han had left. It startles Rey that she pauses. Kylo pauses soon after and frowns. He senses her discomfort again.

"Are you alright?" he asks.

Her heart skips a beat at the sight of his face softening in a delicate manner.

"No," she says. She kisses him up quickly and sees a young Ben comforting his young mother. Leia was crying in her room. Han had left - and Ben was there, trying to make her smile. She puts up a pretty face for him but young Ben knew. He wasn't good enough. He was never good enough.

"Han always left her. Left her for months at a time until finally it became years." He pauses and sighs. "I wonder when did he become old," he lets out a laugh but it was hallow. It was a sound of regret. Remorse. Sound of broken child. "The last time I saw him out final time, he was young. He had color in his hair, with a bit of grey. He was strong, he was sturdy. Those thirteen years did a number on him. I wonder how Leia looks."

"There's some color to her hair," Rey mumbles. She finds her fingers running through his hair. "There's lines on her face but there's fire in her eyes."

"I will never leave you," he murmurs.

Her heart twists up into a knot - she kisses him again.

Anytime he tries to speak, she silences him. She silences him with tugging at his hair and lips, deepening kisses and starting others, and nibbling at his ears. She does this to what seemed like forever.

* * *

He finishes. Seconds after she does.

It overwhelms her how when he does her body freezes as she's being filled. It overwhelms her how her body reacts in the same manner as his. It overwhelms her how time stopped.

She's left with the evidence in between her thighs and his head on her chest.

She's skin to skin to the sound of his breathing.

To the sound everything.

She can feel his heart beating, beating onto her chest.

His covered in sweat, slicked from exhaustion. His hair is a mess and it's the first time she's ever seen his hair like this. Damp, clinging to the back of his neck.

She has to leave - this wasn't safe.

She has to -

He shuts his eyes and falls asleep and so did she.

* * *

Rey wakes up in the middle of the night. She pulled on her discarded items and leaves.

She doesn't remember when was the last time she attempted to open the door but she puts that behind. The door is opened.

The place is empty.

There is no one.

But she doesn't know how to get out.

It's a maze - it's a prison.

What to her? How could she lose so much track of time? How did she do such a thing with him.

She keeps running, dodging every guard, keeping herself hidden.

This prison was empty, desolate and the only thing that was here were ghosts.

She yelps as a sudden force pulls her. She uses all her strength to turn her head but no one's there.

The only thing that was there was his presence. He was pulling her back with his will.

No. Resist.

Rey, you're not his puppet. Stop.

Stop.

Focus - get control of your limbs - Rey.

Rey.

Stop. Don't submit to his power - use the force.

Good, it's working. Keep focusing. Don't picture him. Don't think about him. Think about the relations you created with others. Think about home. Think of the home in your ship. You're almost there, his bond is weakening. Keeping going farther. You still have time. He's putting on his clothes. You still have time to go before he gets after you. The farther you go, the less control he has on you -

Kylo grabs her then, pulls her back. When did he get here? She doesn't linger about it and puts up a fight. He covers her mouth and carries her back. She's kicking and screaming but he doesn't falter.

Instead he looks down at her with a stern glare. His eyes are lowered and his jaw is set tight. He carries back to her room of a cell. He uncovers her mouth and she freezes. "Do you still want to kill me?" he asks then in a low tone.

Her heart skipped a beat. "No." She doesn't and that's what gets to her. She doesn't.

Kylo locked the door and held her tight. "Then stay."

He's begging. Begging her to stay. With him. He's lonely. Miserable. He wants her. All she could see was the child she was crying for him - looking at his ship that was going farther and farther away until it was gone.

She wants to ball up and cry but she doesn't. She stays firm. "I can't stay. I don't belong here."

"You will. You are a scavenger. You are designed to adapt and change."

"What are you trying to say?"

"Your training begins tomorrow."


	8. Chapter 8

_Little Rey usually does what she is told except for one little thing. She was prohibited to sleep with Ben but every night since she had met him, she's been sneaking into his room. When she does this, she's quiet, unnoticeable. She knows what she's doing is wrong but she does so because she likes the feeling. She likes slipping underneath the covers and curling beside him._

 _Some nights Ben wakes up and finds her snuggling him, fast asleep._

 _This was one of these nights. He groaned and mumbled. He's tempted to shake her awake but he doesn't. She's only a child. She's only five years old. She doesn't know any better. She doesn't understand how inappropriate it is for her to be sleeping with the older boy she would some day marry. And Ben minds this immensely. He doesn't want to be around her. He doesn't want to form a sibling relationship with her for it would complicate things. He gathered her in his arms and carries her back into her room._

 _She latches on to his forearms and nuzzled her face into his chest._

 _The second he lays her down back to her bed, her eyes shot open._

 _Ben cursed underneath his breath._

 _"Please don't go," she mumbled, rubbing her eyes._

 _"You know you can't sleep with me," his tone is stern. "Master Skywalker will punish us both." But me worse for allowing it, Ben wanted to say. He only allowed it a handful of times when she came knocking at his door with tears in her eyes after having a nightmare. He shouldn't have done it because now she's used to it, fond of it even._

 _"But I like sleeping with you," she frowned._

 _A blush rose to his cheeks. It was an innocent statement but he knew one day they will eventually share the same bed together and be intimate. "One day. Years from now, many years we will get to sleep together," he says, attempting to comfort the stubborn child. "Every night." He watches those wide brown eyes lit up from his words._

 _"But that's such a long time away."_

 _"That's for the better. As of now Rey, you are prohibited."_

 _"Can you stay here a bit longer - until I fall asleep?" she pleaded, searching for a compromise that he would agree to._

 _Ben shook his head but then she gives him that look, that puppy dog look. He cursed underneath his breath. "Very well."_

 _She smiles at him, showing her dimples. She nudges him back to her bed, has him lay beside her so she can cuddle him. "Thank you - I like this," she hums with glee. "Do you like this?"_

 _"I don't really know. I'm...indifferent really." He feels sick of himself when she's this close to him but he couldn't help but to find her endearing. For once, someone possesses affection that he had craved for many years._

 _"Hug me," she insisted._

 _"Rey -_

 _"Please hug me tight."_

 _She's just a child. He's a stuffed toy to her. He hugs her then, hugs her stiffly. She squeezes him tight and lets out a delighted breath onto his skin. He blinked several times as feelings emerged. These feelings weren't sexual or romantic, they were feelings of fondness for this little child. "I don't like it when you have to go away," she mumbled. She hates it. She hates it when he leaves. Right now Master Skywalker was cutting down the times Ben was allowed to see her._

 _"You know we weren't supposed to meet until you were older right?"_

 _"I know but still."_

 _Ben knows well that contact with her was an attempt to restore humanity into him. It has somewhat but it also caused him to be even more distant. He hates the way Master Skywalker has her locked up. He hates that she is unable to interact with children her age. He hates that her childhood is being stolen away and she doesn't know it. How is Ben supposed to have humanity when Master Skywalker can't even show it to a little girl? Ben pulls her closer._

 _Rey happily obliges. "Ben."_

 _"Yes?"_

 _"Will you like me better if I wasn't so small?"_

 _"Maybe," he teases. But he doesn't know quite where she was going with this._

 _"Okay I'll get bigger then," she yawned._

 _He laughed. "You're such a funny girl, Rey. Rey. Rey?"_

 _She was fast asleep._

 _He tries to slip away but she was holding on to him possessively. He was becoming drowsy and his eyes were becoming heavy. Well maybe he should just sleep for a few minutes first. He shuts his eyes._

 _Rey opened her eyes after counting to one hundred. She smiled to herself wickedly. Ben always fall for it. She rest her cheek on his chest and stared at the sleeping boy. His body is relaxed when he sleeps but he still has a frown. She reaches his frown and tries to turn it upside down with her hands but his frown is welded shut. Rey sighed but decided to play with his face. She stroked his skin - it's rough and oily and it isn't as smooth as hers but she likes touching it for some reason. She runs over the reddish bumps on his face and then slips a few fingers in his mouth to part it open to see his teeth. She stretched his mouth wide and marveled at his large crooked teeth. Surprisingly, he's a deep sleeper. Jedis are supposed to sleep lightly and be alert._

 _Rey slapped his cheek to see if he would wake but he doesn't. She opened his eyes wide but once her fingers move away, his eyes closed automatically. She opens his eyes again and blows air into them but still he doesn't falter. She laid her head but a second later she tries to tickle him awake._

 _She huffed. Still nothing._

 _She hears him make a sleepy sound. His hands wrap around her waist as he snuggled her._

 _She gleamed and pulled the sheets over them. She rubbed her face into his chest and sleeps._

* * *

 _Ben is awakened in the early morning, yanked by the his collar sleeve and thrown to the ground. "Ben I warned you twice about this!" Master Skywalker screamed._

 _He remained on the floor and waits for a command._

 _He eyed Rey. She was awake, hiding underneath her covers feebly. "I'm sorry," she whispered._

 _Ben wanted to responded but he doesn't. Master Skywalker was already upset and he doesn't want to upset Master Skywalker even more._

 _"What are you doing?" Master Skywalker asked. "Get up!"_

 _Ben obeys and follows him out the room._

 _"Master Skywalker - I can explain," he began once they entered a private room. "She came to me and begged to sleep with me - I told her not to," his voice was weak. "She was sad so I told her I would just stay in her room until she fell asleep -_ _Luke's frowned deepened as his shoulders tensed. "And why didn't you leave after?"_

 _"I-I," Ben swallowed hard. "I fell asleep."_

 _It was the truth but Luke knew there was something greater happening. "Ben, this is unacceptable. You know the circumstances -_

 _"She needed me," Ben said without thinking._

 _"Rey is my responsibility Ben, not yours. I told you twice already if she gets like that to alert me."_

 _"Uncle -_

 _"You are not allowed to see her again until she's of age," Master Skywalker's voice was hard._

 _Ben's heart fell. "Uncle - please I won't let it happen again -_

 _"This is getting too dangerous, Ben. I won't allow it. It's too much of a risk. I know you care about her and want the best but this type of bond will damage her. It will do a number on her when she is older, you know that."_

 _His uncle beats him then. Beats him for not following orders after being warned. Ben had been beaten three times by his uncle in his life, with this now being the fourth time. It wasn't as bad, he's been beaten by his parents a hundred times more. Each time was justifiable by his parents and uncle. They did so whenever Ben acted out and disobeyed orders. Ben understood for he knew that he had a wicked temper but not this time._

 _He doesn't understand what he did was wrong. He didn't touch her let alone wanted her to sleep with him. What he did was harmless. The punishment does not equate to the crime. It was unjust. It was cold._

 _Cruel._

 _Each hit was worse than the last but Ben used all his strength not show any weakness. He gritted his teeth, suppressing from any sound to be left in the open._

 _His uncle stops after striking him twenty times with a wooden staff. He leaves the room and leaves Ben with bruises and marks visible on his arms and face. His uncle had struck him five times on the back, five on each hand, and the rest on the face. Usually his uncle would just hit him only on an his arms and back but this time, his uncle wanted the punishment to be visible. Uncle Luke wanted the bruise to seep in._

 _Ben goes to the mirror and sees the developing black eye and the bruise seeping into his cheekbone. He had been beaten in the face before but it was rare. His father stopped partaking it when he accidentally broke Ben's nose. He stared at himself in the mirror but he doesn't recognize the person standing before him. He sees a wild animal. He doesn't feel like a person. He touched his cheek and winced, his bone feels like broken glass._

 _He stands there dumbfounded. He doesn't know what to do next. He doesn't know if he should stay here or get ready for the day. He doesn't know if he's supposed to partake in meditating or supposed to be behind closed doors._

 _It occurs to him then that Uncle Luke wants him to be alone with his thoughts for this time._

 _Ben stands there in front of the mirror until a pupil calls for him to join for breakfast._

 _The fellow student doesn't ask what happened to Ben. The student avoids it but Ben doesn't mind. In fact, he's relieved. He's feel embarrassed, ashamed._

 _He walks to the dinning quarters in silence. It frightened him for nothing was on his mind. He's not thinking. He's just following orders._

 _"Ben!" a voice calls out for him._

 _He looks up and sees her, Rey. He sees her being accompanied by two guards but they were going in opposite directions. They weren't supposed to speak to another._

 _But Rey, she runs to him. "What happened?" she frowned. "Ben - you're hurt," tears were flowing out of her eyes. "I'm sorry. It's my fault you're hurt -_

 _"I'm fine," he assures her, painting a smile. "It's just a scratch."_

 _She touches his arm and he winced._

 _A guard pulls Rey by the arm. "Come along now," the guard says. "You must go back to your quarters."_

 _"But I don't want to go - I want to stay with Ben," she pleaded._

 _"We already discussed this, Rey. You are not allowed to communicate with him anymore until you're older."_

 _"WHY?" she shouted. She was crying now as the guards dragged her._

 _Ben stood there and watched feebly. He watches her cry and hears her call out his name. He wants to run after her, wants to take her away but he knows he can't. The fellow student stands beside Ben in silence as well. The student wants to make the situation better but he doesn't know how._

 _"You care about him right?" the guard asks Rey._

 _"Yes -_

 _"If you're caught talking to him, Master Skywalker will hurt him again. He'll hurt Ben even worse. Do you want that?"_

 _Rey hushed up and cried quietly. She waved goodbye and he did too. His body shook as he watched the light go away._

* * *

The memory plays out before him as he watches Rey exercise. She was everywhere. She was running about and practicing her forms and lifting weights. She was trying to regain her muscle memory after a week of being confined in a room.

A room that he kept her in.

He sat down, watching her regain her footing with her body.

Her hair is loose now, freed from the hairstyle she had kept since childhood. That comforts him and isn't until she stops to blow the hair from her face and mouth that he cracks a small smile.

"I saw that," she said.

He stood up then and grabbed two wooden staffs.

"I know how to use a lightsaber," she mumbled. Wooden staffs were used for beginners who weren't ready to control a lightsaber.

"This is just for practice," he reminded her. "I'm not belittling your skills with these but you still have a lot to learn."

She snatches a wooden staff. "Fine." She swung and struck him then.

This only entices him, invites him to spar with her. It was more play to him than anything.

He doesn't go easy on her. He puts up a fight to see her face crumple in annoyance and anger. Her hair spills everywhere that when she swung, she misses.

"I suggest you keep your hair up."

"I don't want to. I know you like it."

He sweeps her hair aside and a thumbs her cheek with his gloved hand. She pushes the sign of affection away and restarts the fight.

* * *

After a few hours of sparring, he puts her back in her room. She doesn't fight it and instead she complies. She's worn out and wants rest. He lays her down, puts several books on his nightstand. There were books of fiction and books of maps and on other galaxies.

This feels too familiar, he thinks as he makes his way out of the room. He recalls to his youth with her, recalls leaving her with picture books and her prized stuffed toy. He senses a feeling, a feeling developing in her.

Longing but also confliction.

He shuts the door and locks it. Keeps her in the same way she was kept as a child.

He goes to the east wing for his weekly meeting with Snoke. He hadn't seen his master physically in a year but he's used to it now. He kneels down first and addresses him formally. He looks up, looks at the giant hologram. It doesn't make much of a difference. His master was distant no matter what form, physical or holographic.

"I've been notified that you've been keeping the girl," Snoke murmured. His eyes stared at Kylo in slits, jaw tensing by the second.

Kylo nodded. He keeps himself at an emotionless state, keeping himself protected from his master probing his mind. "That is true."

"Why haven't you informed me sooner?"

"It's only been a week and I didn't think it was important to notify you right away."

"You didn't think it was important? Or is it that you didn't want me to know?"

His heart skipped a beat but he keeps an unreadable façade. He forces his body to beat a normal pace. "Master Snoke why would I keep anything from you? Have I not been loyal to you for all this time?" he countered. I killed my father, he wanted to say. I broke my mother's heart. I lost the faith she had in me. Is that not enough?

"Your loyalty always strays," Snoke's tone was cold. "The weakness in you is still there."

"Master Snoke I assure you my loyalty is unwavering. I've severed ties with the ones that were once dear to me."

"Then why is the girl still alive?"

"I believe that she may come to a use for you. I just started training her today." Kylo opened paused as he felt his mind being invaded, searched. He keeps going, pushes his deepest thoughts aside from being taken. He thinks of another thought to take place of what Snoke was searching for.

"We've discussed this before," Snoke began. He saw right through Kylo's attempt. "This girl makes you weak."

"What are you saying?" Kylo kept his voice steady.

"This will be your final examination. Prove your loyalty to the Order."

* * *

With a nod, Snoke ends the conversation.

Kylo felt sick with himself. He felt helpless. He hadn't felt this way since he was fifteen years old -since he lived in temple. He returns to the room with a heavy heart. A clouded mind.

He finds her standing in front of a mirror with scissors in her hand.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"What does it look like? I'm cutting my hair. It's far too long."

"Don't cut yourself."

Rey sneered. "Are you kidding? I've been cutting my hair for years."

He went closer and sees that half of her hair was cut to a shoulder length. He watches her cut the other side. She grabbed a ribbon and puts half of her hair into a bun.

"What do you think?" she asked.

"I prefer you with long hair." He reaches for the ends of her hair. He liked the feeling of freshly cut hair. Her hair looked shinier, livelier.

"Exactly."

"You are aware that it doesn't matter to me, right?"

She grabs him by the wrist then and gestures him to sit down.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I want to cut your hair," she stated. "Your hair is far too long. Too scruffy. Too fluffy," she wrinkled her nose.

"There is nothing wrong with my hair."

She stuck her tongue out. "Can I just trim a little?"

He glared at her.

"I'm not going to slit your throat if that's what you're afraid of. It's too late to try to make an escape. I'll try tomorrow morning. Just for now, let me cut your hair."

Kylo sighed. "Very well."

He's relaxed as she trimmed his hair. She was very careful, very articulate with it. He shut his eyes as she brushed her fingers against his neck, dusting the small hairs.

"Don't make that sound."

"It feels nice though."

He keeps his closed as he felt the weight of his hair being cut away.

"You wish I look nice for you, don't you?" he asked, eyes still shut.

"I wish to be freed more than anything but I wish for you to be at least presentable."

His eyes shot open when he feels her sit on top of him. She lifts his front locks and cuts way the dead ends. He bucks his hips out slightly but she doesn't notice. She snatches a comb and combs through his hair. She dusts the rest of the discarded hairs and looked at him with pride. "Not bad if I do say so myself."

He looks at himself in the mirror. She had taken the weight and volume away. His hair was neater and framed his face much better than before. His hair cut made his face smaller with definition instead of wide and flat and elongated. "Not bad," he says. He pursed his lips and touched her new trimmed hair. It was bittersweet seeing her with a different hairstyle. It felt like she cut the ties between them. "Do you hate me?" he asks.

Rey froze. "I want to but I don't," her voice is low.

"Do you still think I'm a monster?"

"No. I think of you as a ghost, someone who couldn't be saved. What do you think of me as?"

"My light."

* * *

In the middle of the night, he wakes her. He placed his hand over her mouth, "Shh," he whispered.

He moved his hand away once she registered it.

"What's going on?" she whispered. She watched as he put on her shoes on her feet.

"We're leaving," he said as he swung a bag on his shoulders. He stayed up the whole night packing and planning. He took her by the hand and led her to the secret passage. "No questions right now. We don't have much time."


	9. Chapter 9

_For as long as Kylo could remember, he was watched by his Master, Master Snoke. Even before he was Kylo, when he was just Ben. Master Snoke had been watching over him since Ben was four years old. Ever so often, he would enter Ben's mind and have conversations with him and entice him to submit to his darkness._

 _At first Leia and Han assumed that the 'Leader' young Ben spoke of was an imaginary friend of his._

 _But as time went on, they noticed a shift in Ben's behavior. A once quiet and calm child started to act up and the temple tantrums emerged. It wasn't until Leia had caught her five year old son inflicting pain on himself that she knew something was wrong. She remembered it, remember her horror as she went to retrieve young Ben from time out and finding him sitting on the floor of his room in silence, picking away layers of flesh that he had opened with his fingernails. Blood was trickling from his arm and on to the ground._

 _"Ben!" Leia screeched in horror. She lifted her child and held his hands from continuing. "What are you doing? Stop that - stop that right now!" she cried. Her heart was racing. This isn't his natural behavior. This - this behavior had been influenced._

 _He stops and blinked at her. He touches her face but he doesn't comprehend the worry in her eyes._

 _"Han!" she called out. "Come here - Han! Han!" she screamed louder and louder._

 _"What's going on - Ben! What happened? What did you do Leia?" Han screamed._

 _"I didn't do anything! He did this to himself!" she bit the words out. How dare you think I would ever hurt my child like that, she said with just a look._

 _Ben hid his face in his mother's long hair. "What's wrong?" he asked. He always hid whenever his parents screamed at each other._

 _"Hand me some disinfectant, cloth, and bandages," Leia demanded._

 _"We have to take him to a doctor -_

 _"Of course I know that," she snapped. "But we have to treat this first before it gets worse." She held her child protectively, clutching on to his arms._

 _Han lets her comment slide to tend to his son first._

 _"Ben," she pulled him slightly. She bit her lip and tried to appear gentle for him. "Why did you do this?" she asked._

 _"Leader told me to. He told me that since I was bad I should be punished and since he wasn't physically here he told me to do it for him."_

 _Her eyebrows furrowed. "Your friend Leader doesn't sound like a good friend."_

 _"He's not my friend, he's my leader. He's my master. I do whatever he tells me to."_

 _Leia's skin tightened. She set aside Ben on his bed as Han tended to the opened cuts. "And this leader," she continued in a low voice. "Does he have a name?"_

 _"Snoke," Ben said as a matter of fact. "My leader's name is Snoke."_

 _Leia and Han froze._

The memory plays out to Kylo as he flew the ship. She sees the memory too, sees it so clearly that she's able to put herself into the memory as a bystander, watching in the corner as the scene play out. Rey doesn't know what to say or how to react. And instead she sits there in silence as they flew further and further away. She examines him, examines the frown etched into his face.

She blinked as she felt him invite her to explore deeper in his mind, into his memories.

She does so. She skims through his thoughts, his memories.

 _"Luke please help me," Leia heaving, pulling her brother by the arm. "Help my son -he's only a child - please! Do something - he has him under his control - please - help him -_

 _"Leia, take a deep breath - you're hysterical," Luke said. There were tears in her eyes and she was heaving. Her speech was becoming slurred._

 _"Snoke."_

 _Luke became still. "No that couldn't be - he's locked up in an isolated and secured -_

 _"He speaks to Ben, enters his mind."_

 _Luke became pale. Snoke sees the potential in Ben as well. "How often does he enter his mind?"_

 _"At first I assumed it was just an imaginary friend for Ben only mentioned him whenever he did something bad. It used to be once a month. But now it's becoming frequent. Once a week."_

 _"Bring him to me," Luke said lowly. "And I'll try to cleanse his mind."_

 _"Try? You mean there's no sure method -_

 _"No," he responded sadly. "Ben's only a youngling, he doesn't have control of the Force yet. I'll cleanse his mind but it'll only help for a few days before Snoke is able to come back."_

 _And like that, it became routine._

 _Luke would visit his nephew once a week and cleanse his mind, attempting to heal the damage. Ben was only a child and so he doesn't know what was happening. He thinks of this as his favorite Uncle visiting him to tell stories and play with him. It wasn't until years three years later when he was eight years old that he realized something was wrong with him. For since his mother found him hurting himself years ago, that was when his seizures and headaches began._

 _"Ben is getting better," Leia said weakly, trying to convince her brother. "He's behaving more. He's listening -_

 _"What I've been doing for the last three years isn't treatment, Leia," Luke said calmly. "What I've been doing is putting a band aid over a leak. Ben is getting older and Snoke will hurt him more until Ben works in his favor. Ben needs to be trained. I can't save him, he has to save himself."_

 _Leia squeezed Han's hand._

 _"He needs to be trained. I know you wanted him to be trained the same age as I did but if we wait that long it might be too late."_

 _Tears trickled from her eyes and ran down her chin. "I know."_

 _"You'll still have your son," he assured her. "I'll come by here and train him in empty fields nearby three times a week. I know how much you want your son to live a normal life - to have a good childhood."_

 _"Is it a good idea to tell him what's going on?" Han asked, staring at the floor. He squeezed Leia's hand for life but he felt dead. He had died the moment Luke implied that Snoke will steal his son's childhood and sanity until Ben acted upon Snoke's wishes in Ben finding him._

 _Luke exhaled and bit his lip. "That, that is your decision. I have no say in that."_

 _Han cursed underneath his breath as he fought back tears. "I want him to think that it is play. I want him to have fun, okay? Please make it the best damn time of my son's life. Because that's my boy, that's my son - I want him to have everything."_

 _"Me too," Luke sighed._

* * *

 _It isn't until Ben was ten years old when he finally grasped what was happening. All those times his Uncle visited, Uncle was training him. It wasn't until then that he saw himself as a burden to his parents - a factor to their fighting as well as the reason why they didn't ever try to have another child. They fear the next child would have the same fate as Ben._

 _While his skills grew however, his parents drifted. His parents constantly fought and his father began to stay away longer, taking Chewie along as well._

 _His parents fought because of him about how to raise him and how to cope the turmoil and inner pain Ben felt._

 _"It hurts, Uncle," he said as they sat down in the field. They were taking a break after hours of training to watch the sun set, their favorite pastime. "It hurts whenever I try to block him." Snoke was powerful, so powerful that he was able to elicit pain from thousands and thousands of miles away._

 _Luke's eyes lowered. "One day you will be able to fully shield yourself from him," he said. He pulls out some traveler's bread from his pocket and hands it to his nephew._

 _"When will that be?" he took a big bite out of the bread._

 _Luke rubbed the back of his head. "When you're strong enough."_

 _"How long until I'm strong enough?"_

 _"When you're ready. You still have a lot to learn Ben -_

 _"I've been learning!" his temper began to seep through._

 _Luke glared at him, gesturing for Ben to stay in place._

 _Ben does and eats the rest of his bread out of spite._

 _"I understand that you're frustrated. I know what it's like to keep working and see nothing changing for the good. It might be a while. You're still young Ben. You haven't learned everything yet -_

 _"I know a lot about the Force -_

 _"I'm talking about life. You haven't lived enough - haven't experienced enough. Until you do that's when you'll be strong enough."_

 _The sun was setting and the sky was becoming a gradient of soft pink and orange and bits of baby blue._

 _"Do you believe in me as much as Snoke does?" he asked lowly._

 _"I do, very much so. I see the potential in you." Luke's eyes lock on to the sunset, it reminds him of home - of Obi Wan._

 _"He tells me constantly that I'm not meant to be a Jedi."_

 _"He also believes we are weak," Luke reminded him._

 _It doesn't help Ben at all. "I'll never be a good Jedi -_

 _"You won't," Luke said without a second thought. "You'll be the greatest Jedi that ever lived."_

* * *

 _Even though Ben was getting stronger, Snoke still remained._

 _Luke wasn't threatened until the following three years, when Ben is thirteen, when Snoke had grown immune to the cleansings._

 _"Ben has to go with me," Luke urged his sister. "He can no longer stay here. He has to go with me and train with my other Padawans."_

 _"No. I'm not going to send him away -_

 _"Snoke had broke through his cell, a cell that is meant to be inescapable," Luke reminded her. "You and the other council members had to relocate him farther away and triple the security and codes," he reminded her again._

 _Leia became silent._

 _"Ben will be safe with me. He'll be on my island where it's secluded and Snoke has less control. Leia."_

 _She didn't respond._

 _"Leia."_

 _Still, nothing._

 _"Leia. He will be safe. Nothing's going to happen to him."_

 _"How do you know?" she snapped._

 _"You know the Padawan that I recently taken under my care?"_

 _"You mean the baby that was abandoned?" Leia raised her eyebrow. Luke had mentioned it once years ago, how two heartless teenagers abandoned their newborn baby in a pit to die. If Luke hadn't been in that market in that town one day, he didn't know what would happen to her._

 _Luke nodded. "She is three years old now but she's able to resist Snoke. I taught her under my care. I realize now that I could have helped Ben sooner if I had complete custody until he mastered it. Leia, you have to let him go. If want his pain to go away, you have to trust me."_

 _"Make sure nothing happens to him," she swallowed the tears away._

* * *

Rey senses something, an intruder.

There was an intruder in his mind. She pulls away from the memories and sees him trembling. His whole body was shaking, trying to keep the ship steady.

Snoke.

He was there, pulling Kylo back.

She sees it, his eyes darkening. She placed her hand over his, keeping his steering straight. "You can do this," she said, squeezing his hand for life the way Han did with Leia. Instead, she was squeezing him differently. She was holding on to him not because he was a lost cause or too far gone, she was squeezing him tightly because she had faith in him.

She had hope.

She sets the ship to go on autopilot, keeping her hand on his.

She watches Kylo fight him in silence. She knew that there was nothing that she can do for he was fighting within himself mentally. Internally. He spent most of life fighting Snoke, seizing for freedom and he was so desperate that he had submitted himself into the darkness to lessen the pain. This was not her fight. This wasn't Master Skywalker's. This was his fight.

He shut his eyes and clenched onto the steer - trying to reclaim control. His body was trembling - he was fighting as the sharp pain stabbed his mind. He was struggling to breathe and struggling to gain control of his limbs. He felt like a puppet being pulled along the strings. And that's what he had been all this time. A puppet. An empty vessel to Snoke.

He was the body Snoke traveled when Snoke couldn't.

He let out a scream. Rey wanted to move him to lay down but she was afraid that if she moved him it would affect him.

He sees his painful memories being shown to him by his Master, all the memories displayed all at once.

Kylo searches for something - a warm memory. He thinks of his mother and father but Snoke twists the memory, makes it melt away and reminds him of what he done by showing the memory to Kylo of him killing his father.

Kylo searches for another moment. The moments he had with Chewie.

Snoke turns the memory into his favor again, reminding Kylo that he doesn't have the trust anymore from his beloved companion.

And then another.

Snoke turns another precious memory into suffering.

And then another.

Kylo pulls out the last memory, the last memory he had - the last one that kept him here.

 _"Ben, come here," Luke called out._

 _Fifteen year old Ben obeyed without any question. He looked at his uncle sheepishly and wondered what he had done wrong. Ben was supposed to run a couple laps around the island along with the other Padawans but Uncle had made him stay behind. "Yes Master Skywalker?"_

 _"Open your hands. Here." He handed Ben a small package wrapped in twine._

 _Ben raised his eyebrow. "Master, what is this?"_

 _"It's a gift. A gift for a little girl I want you to give and spend time with today.'_

 _"A little girl?" Ben asked with doubt. Certainly his uncle was joking._

 _"She is five years old."_

 _"You must be joking. There are no students here under the age of ten here."_

 _"Well she is not a student. She will be when she is older. She's been kept in secret so she won't have the same fate as you. She spends her days locked up playing with guards while I'm away."_

 _"So that's what you do with your free time," the words slipped out. Ben quickly covered his mouth._

 _Luke chuckled. Luke was aware that he was a mystery to all. "She is lonely and I know she would love your company."_

 _"I'm not good with talking. Why can't you ask another student?"_

 _"Because I know you need her too."_

 _Luke take Ben to her. Ben grasped on the package stiffly as he tried to register what was happening. Babysitting. His uncle was making him babysit. What did he do wrong to be punished like this?_

 _"This is not punishment," Luke suppressed a smile._

 _"Then why does it feel like it?"_

 _The guards open the door the second they recognized Luke's face._

 _Ben's eyes went wide. He had never been to this place before, let alone knew that there was another chamber here._

 _There was a little girl on the floor, playing with toys with a female guard. She had big eyes, big delighted eyes as the female guard made sounds for the toy plane. The girl had brown hair tied back into three buns and was dressed in a similar fashion like his uncle._

 _"Is this your...daughter?" Ben asked. He felt stupid for asking but his uncle was a very private man. Ben wouldn't be surprised if that was Uncle's secret child._

 _"Biologically? " Luke chuckled. "No. But I do see her as a daughter. She was abandoned as a newborn and so I took her in."_

 _"You never mentioned to me about her before - does my mother know -_

 _"Your mother knows everything."_

 _The girl looked up at them. Her smile went wider. "Luke!" she screamed in delight. She ran to him and jumped into his arms. "Are you here to play with me today?"_

 _Luke swirled her around a few times and then placed her on the ground. He patted her head. "I'm sorry but I can't. But I brought someone to play with you, someone better. He'll be able to keep up with you. Rey, this is Ben. This is my nephew."_

 _Rey immediately hid behind Luke's leg. She poked her head out a bit to steal a glance at the stranger._

 _"It's alright. There is nothing for you to fear," he assured._

 _Ben blinked several times at the child. "You have really big eyes," he commented._

 _"And you have really big ears," she says, unaffected. Her eyes became transfixed on the object in his hands. "Is that for me?"_

 _"Yes," Ben said awkwardly as Luke left them alone._

 _"Oh," she beamed. "I like you now."_

 _He hands her the present and remained standing and looking down at her. She propped herself on the ground and eagerly opened the present. "Thank you," she says in a singsong. She tore at the paper until she saw what was inside. She was quiet for a moment, in awe of the item. It was a doll, a homemade one. It was dressed like a pilot. "I love it!" she exclaimed, hugging the toy. "Thank you!" She tapped her hand on the ground. "Come here! Sit."  
_

Kylo thinks of the memory as he pushes aside Snoke's efforts. He thinks of her warmness in her smile. He thinks of the brightness in her eyes. Kylo pushes him away, applying to all the years of his uncle's teachings. What he had learned is making sense now and he feels no struggle. Kylo pushes Snoke's tactics away. He doesn't feel pain anymore - he feels his body again and just like that, Kylo locks him out.

He knew that this wasn't over. He knew that Snoke will come after him. Snoke will come after him and her with an army but for this very moment, Kylo is relieved.

For once, Snoke is gone.


	10. Chapter 10

She had spent a week in the monster's cage.

But she could have left anytime she wanted to.

For the cage was not meant to imprison her.

She could have left within hours after her capture but she was drawn to him, the monster that was trapped. He's been in his cell far too long that he doesn't see how big the spaces were in between the bars - how easy it was for him to slip through the cracks and crawl out. He was too far gone to understand sense and so for that week she spoke to him with emotion. For that week in the base she let herself feel weakness. She let herself feel attachment towards the tortured monster. For every night after the third day, he went to her. He came to her in a worn out state, he may have seemed strong but emotionally he crawled to her and wrapped himself in her warmth.

He sees this now, sees this strength in her that was beyond him. Sees that for she doesn't question where they were going. She was at ease, at peace.

She knows the power she has over him while it took him until now to see it.

 _Where do you go from now?_

 _That was something he had always forgotten to ask himself. With every brash decision, the more he felt lost and uncertain of his future._

 _You killed them, Ben. You killed all your classmates, where do you go from now?_

 _You killed your father, Kylo. You killed him, took the light away from your mother, where do you go from now?_

 _You severed your ties with Snoke for this girl. Where do you go from now?_

 _How do you feel about me_ , he wanted to ask her. But he doesn't. Instead he's flying the ship, going further and further away but he doesn't know where to go. She's right beside him, sitting in silence. She's calm while the world he knew for thirteen years was falling apart, slipping through his fingers.

"Where do you go from now?" she asked him. There's assertion in her tone, steadiness. He blinked at her in fascination. This girl, she purposely let herself into his cage - let herself be in his grasp - groomed him, show humanity to him. He should have known since the first time he captured her, she escaped within a few hours after regaining consciousness. He should have accounted her capabilities, her fast mind.

"I don't know," he swallowed hard. The words were like cancer to him. "All my life I've doing what I've been told."

"So have I," she said gently.

Kylo's eyes widened to the realization. This girl, she had stayed to play with him. She played by his rules and waited until he ended the game.

"But things are different now," she said then. "You're older. You're wiser. You're defiant," she echoed his words. He sees it - that small smile forming from the corner of her lips. Her eyes were shiny, glossy. Heavy. Tempting him. Tempting him to do intimate and explicit acts with her. Straying him. Straying him away from his monster form. "What do you fight for? Do you fight for good or do you fight for solitude?" Rey doesn't even give him the option of the darkness for he had untangled himself from it.

He doesn't know what to say and so he doesn't say a word.

"Where do you want to go?" she asked then. "Do you want to part ways so you can be alone to find yourself-

"I want to go with you," he said before she could finish her sentence. And just like that, he slips back on to his monster skin, submersing himself into his desire to possess her - _own_ her. He had been away from her for such a long time that he craved her. Wanted her. "I want to go wherever you go."

His eyes darkened and so did hers.

* * *

"I must warn you," he began slowly. He shifted gears as the island was becoming closer and closer. "They will not accept me."

"You freed me," she reminded him.

"You didn't need to be saved," he countered. "I know that, you know that, and they know that." Rey had been picking locks since she was left on Jakku. She had been picking them for as long as she could remember. She picked any lock whenever she saw any woman locked up in a cage before they could be sent off to be a sex slave. Hell, she even got herself out of several cages when she got older to escape the same intended fate.

"You could have killed me," she said then. "You were supposed to but you didn't." She had read his memories last night, replayed them countless times as she cut his hair. She reached to touch a freshly trimmed lock. Her eyes flickered. The years under Snoke's leadership did a number on his body. Even though he was muscular and toned, he had let himself go. He rarely slept and the years of being in turmoil had aged him immensely. Poe was older but he looked more youthful than Kylo. Cutting his hair helped him looked younger but she wasn't satisfied. For cutting his hair did not cut away his past. "I won't let them keep you in a cell."

"I won't let them either way." He paused as a million thoughts swarmed his one track mind. "They won't trust me, let alone trust me to fight alongside with them. The most I can be is your shadow."

"Shadow?"

"I'll stand by you. I'll go wherever you will go."

His words warmed her heart. That was all she wanted, someone to be with her. To never leave her. "Will you ever leave me again?" she asked as he landed the ship.

"I don't think I can."


	11. Chapter 11

_There was a time Ben had considered coming back to the light._

 _Many times, multiple times, a thousand times._

 _There were nights he was unable to sleep because the fond memories of his parents lurked. There were nights where fifteen year old Ben would cry for his mother like a young child. There were nights that he would forget of the sins he had committed and believe that he was still in temple under the mentorship of his Uncle._ _There were times he woke up in the middle of the night searching for her, Rey, the girl who liked to sneak into his bed._

 _There were many times he considered of going back for her._

 _But he couldn't. He was supposed to kill her off like the others but he didn't. Master Snoke had sparred Ben for not following orders however for leaving the girl alone in a miserable planet, unaware of her potential and power was just the same as killing her. The girl will never know her true strength. The girl will never be a threat again._

 _"You still think of yourself as Ben Solo," his master commented. "You are not him anymore. You are no longer son of Han and Leia Solo. That poor boy is gone."_

 _"I don't master," Ben said feebly, unable to hide his emotions. It has been five months since he had killed the Jedis - his classmates. He was nearing sixteen in a few days._

 _Snoke frowned. "Don't ever lie to me. I am your master. Even little lies are disrespectful."_

 _"I won't do that again," Ben responded._

 _"Don't think that I don't care about you," his voice went low. "I've been watching you since you were born. I've been your guardian while your family had failed in providing you care. You are a son to me."_

 _Ben looked up._

 _"Don't sympathize Han and Leia Solo. They saw you as a burden. They sent you off the moment they couldn't take it. They never visited you during the years you were under the care of your uncle. They never cared. They never loved you as much as I did."_

 _Ben nodded. He knew now of the truth. All the nights he walked in on his parents fighting - all the nights he walked in on his mother crying - he knew the reason why. He was the problem. They wanted him gone._

 _"I favor you the most out of all my students. I see more potential in you than anyone in all the galaxies," Master Snoke reminded him. "You're my favorite. No one can ever take that place from you, not even Armitage Hux. I have so much faith in you. I just wish you had more faith in me."_

 _His eyes widened. "I do master, you have my loyalty." He immediately bowed down unaware of the smirk that was resting on his Master's face._

* * *

 _Ben considered going back - especially now. He was standing in place like a mannequin as servants dressed him in the finest fabrics and grooming him. He usually dressed himself but today was a special occasion. It was his birthday today and Snoke decided for the First Order to have a celebration._

 _This doesn't feel like a birthday celebration and it wasn't. This was a ceremony, a coronation. He will be presented to the whole Order and be knighted and given a new name._

 _This - this doesn't feel right. This was a mistake - he has to going back -_

 _His eyes lowered to the ground._

 _He killed all the apprentices. He had betrayed his family._

 _His family doesn't want him anymore._

 _He can never go back._

 _This - the Order, was the only thing he had left._

 _He pulls himself from his thoughts when he hears Armitage snicker._

 _"What?" Ben snapped. "What's your fucking problem?" He glared at the scrawny boy with fiery red hair. This boy was scrawnier than Ben, bird like with leering features. Since day one of being here, Ben had been trying to get on good terms with Armitage but Armitage refused._

 _"You," the boy said smugly. "You believe that Leader Snoke has so much faith in you and yet he wants to change your name. If only he knew that changing your name won't make a difference. You're always going to be weak."_

 _"This isn't the main event. He's having this celebration for my birthday," Ben bit the words out. He knew that this wasn't true but he didn't care. He just wanted to spite Hux. "You just feel threatened because Snoke has never thrown you a celebration for anything." Ben was tired of trying to be civil with someone who doesn't. Ben wasn't going to let Hux push him around and bully him any longer._

 _"That's enough," Master Snoke said as he walked in._

 _Hux went pale. "Master I can expl -_

 _"We're not going discuss this right now," Snoke glared at him. "Today is Ben's day. You've been under my care much longer than him, since you were a child. Ben never had that and this is just making for lost time. We are celebrating this day because he is no longer a boy, he is a man now. Armitage, you are intelligent and cunning and have so much waiting for you but your jealousy is your downfall. I care for all my pupils equally in different forms. Don't forget how fortunate you are."_

 _Hux nodded. "Forgive me, Master."_

 _"All has been forgiven," their master said mercilessly._

 _Ben repressed himself from smiling._

* * *

 _The ceremony felt like a funeral. No one was smiling. Everyone was quiet with stern faces as he walked to the alter and knelt down to be knighted._

 _Ben didn't feel nervous but he felt like he was dying. He's sixteen now. He's no longer a child. He's going to be an adult soon. And that scared him. As an adult he's supposed to make his own choices but he's not even close to that._

 _He was on his knee, completely still as his master gave the speech._

 _"I have watched you since you were an infant. I have witnessed your inner turmoil throughout the years. You were given a destiny that was not meant for you. The factors in your life made you unable to see your true calling. It was difficult for you to stray from your lineage but you're older now. You see the truth, you possess the strength that has been repressed. You will be a great leader and provide an immense contribution to the Order._ _From this day forth, you will no longer live your days haunted by your past. From this day forth, you are Kylo Ren."_

 _Ben opened his eyes to the sound of clapping._

 _He remained frozen, resting on his knee. Kylo? Ren? Kylo Ren? That was the name his master had chosen? He understood his master wanted him to dissociate Ben from his ties but Kylo? The name was so distant. So stern. So cold. Ben couldn't help but to wonder if Rey would like his new name - if she would even accept being held by a man named Kylo._

 _Master Snoke gestured for Ben to stand up._

 _Ben quickly stood up and bowed to the members of the Order._

 _The name didn't settle well at all._

* * *

 _Dancing wasn't something that was partaken in the Order. Instead the people had conversations with one another and drank as the music played in the background. This wasn't much of an issue for Ben never liked dancing in public. He never felt comfortable to. He was too self conscious. And right now he felt very, very self conscious. He felt as if everyone was looking at him. It was his party but it didn't feel like it. He was still new and barely knew anyone. And the people he did know he wasn't quite fond of either. He walked around and tried to find a place to be by himself._

 _It was hard to move. There's so many people._

 _"Drink?" a servant offered from the tray._

 _Ben shook his head. "No thank you-_

 _"But it's your birthday," a guest said._

 _Ben stole a glance at the guest. It was boy around his age. "Come on, celebrate once in a while."_

 _Ben shook his head. "Thank you, but later. I'm not feeling well."_

 _"Don't tell me Kylo's a coward too," Hux intercepted the conversation. Hux grabbed two glasses of wine and drank them in seconds. He carelessly tossed them back to the servant. "You're not Ben anymore. You're not the sheltered Prince. You are under the name of Snoke, certainly Kylo can be able withstand some alcohol."_

 _He rolled his eyes. "For your information I want to eat first. Drinking isn't a substitute for bread," he mumbled as the boys around his age drank down the hard liquor as if it was actual substance. Ben tried alcohol before, now and then since he was twelve, his father would give him sips to try. Ben wasn't much of a fan of it for he felt it was poisoning his body. But he gets it why all of the fellow students were drinking. They were restricted to drink unless it was a special occasion._

 _Hux shrugged. "Suit yourself."_

 _Ben left the room and went outside to sit alone with his thoughts. He liked parties back athome much better. The First Order parties were dull and lifeless. No one was dancing. They were all getting bloody drunk. He didn't even bother to eat, he just wanted to get out of the room as fast as possible. Being here isn't bad, in fact the fellow students were just the same like the ones at his Uncle's temple. They were all stuck up and haughty and didn't see him as one of them. Ben sighed as he realized that no matter where he went, he'll never be accepted._

 _He counted the stars to pass the time. Counted the shooting stars and the planets. He wondered how Rey was doing. He wondered if she was safe. He wondered if there was a nice family that found her and took her in._

 _But...what if she was dead?_

 _No, he reminded himself. He pushed the thought away that constantly reoccurred. No. He would have felt it. She was alive but she was far, far away._

* * *

 _Jantu, a fellow student goes to him. "Kylo!" he called out._

 _Ben didn't responded to the name._

 _"Kylo!"_

 _Still, Ben didn't respond._

 _"Kylo!" Jantu tapped on Ben's shoulder._

 _Ben blinked several times. He wasn't used to the name yet. "Sorry - the name's still fresh to me - yes?" he asked as he turned to find Jantu standing there. There were a few students that he liked very much who were kind to him, Jantu was one of them._

 _"Master Snoke wants to see you."_

 _Ben raised his eyebrow. Next ritual? Snoke didn't mention anything about that. "Very well," he responded. But Ben doesn't question about it. He knows his master. He knows his master has good intentions. Jantu takes Ben back inside and leads him to Snoke._

 _"Yes Master?" Ben asked. His heart skipped a beat as Jantu disappeared. He felt everyone staring at him again. But this time, they were staring at him in silence. The only sound that was being heard was music._

 _"Follow me," his master said._

 _Ben nodded and followed._

 _Master Snoke led Ben to a private sector of a base, a private chamber._

 _"What's going on?" Ben asked. They were standing outside of a closed room._

 _"Inside the room is my gift to you."_

 _He raised his eyebrow. "A gift?"_

 _Master Snoke nodded. "Look inside."_

 _Ben opened the door slightly - there were three girls sitting on the bed, dressed in short lacy clothing. They were all looked to be in their earlier twenties. Ben immediately shut the door out of embarrassment. "What's this - what's going on?"_

 _"They are for you. For tonight. If you like them I can arrange them to come back."_

 _"You can't be serious -_

 _"I know you never been involved romantically with anyone, let alone had sex. You are a man now but I know you are still timid with women. This will help you with your confidence and help you gain experience for when the time comes when do find an interest."_

 _Ben stared at Snoke in horror. "You must be joking."_

 _"I never joke around Kylo. Are you not pleased of the women I picked out for you? They are young and attractive and I had them inspected. They are all clean and are experienced. They will teach you and you will find out what you like."_

 _"I don't want this," Ben bit the words out. This was disturbing. It felt as if his father took him to a brothel but worse. This- this was his mentor._

 _"You're sixteen and you're still a virgin. You haven't even had your first kiss yet. It's better to have sex right away than when you're older so you can learn. You'll learn how to pleasure a woman. You'll learn not to be attached. You can use this to your advantage."_

 _Blood pumped to his cheeks. "Is this part of some kind of ritual here? When someone turns sixteen their parental figure or mentor gets them prostitutes?" Ben spat out. Sure he was a teenager and had urges but he didn't want to solve them like this. He wanted to have his first time with someone he cared for. He doesn't care if the other students ridiculed him for being a virgin. He doesn't want to do it if it's not meaningful._

 _"Typically the mentor does this when the student turns fifteen and they get one woman but I figured having three will help you immensely with your confidence. You're so insecure, so doubtful of every action you do. Kylo, trust me. This will help you."_

 _"This feels wrong."  
_

 _"It's unnatural for a man your age to restrain yourself from your urges." Snoke frowned. "_ _There's nothing to feel strange about it. It'll just be you and the women. There is a lock in the room and I will leave this area and go back to the celebration. You will have complete privacy and all the time you need."_

 _Ben exhaled and forced himself to nod. He waited until Snoke was gone before going inside the room and locking the door shut._

 _The girls were beautiful. The second he came in, they pulled him to the bed. Ben was hesitant but he knew that this was part of a ritual. The Order didn't see sex as pleasure and wanted the students to learn right away so they can use it their advantage against their enemies._

 _"Which one do you want first?" the woman with blonde hair asked._

 _"Or do you want all of us?" the woman with black hair asked._

 _Ben blushed and froze as the three women took off their clothes. Immediately he looked away._

 _"Don't be embarrassed," the red head said. She grabbed his hands and placed them on her bare breasts._

 _Ben pulled away - the blonde girl kissed him then. He pulled away from her and pulled the black hair girl's hand from his crotch._

 _"I don't want you guys to do this." He doesn't want to lose his virginity like this, to prostitutes. The girls were in their early twenties but he knew damn well that they were forced into it since they were thirteen or fourteen and were used to be treated like this. He feels bad for them. They deserved to be freed. His mother taught him better._

 _"Don't be afraid. It'll help you become stronger," the red headed girl said._

 _"This will help you differentiate from love and pleasure. You will need to learn this," the blonde girl said. She leaned and kissed him again._

 _"No -_

 _"It's okay," the girls all said as they pulled at his clothes._

 _And that night was the night Ben died._

 _His mother didn't raise him like that._

 _That was the night Ben died and Kylo was born._

* * *

Master Skywalker had been waiting for them. He had sensed them an hour ago and so he stood by the landing grounds. Rey's eyes lit up for a moment until she felt Kylo's discomfort. He latches on to her hand and squeezes it as if he owned it - owned her.

"This is a bad idea. How naïve of me to think -

"No, it isn't," she assured him. She lets him hold her hand, lets him hold her like that - as if she was his only connection with the outside world. She knows that feeling, had felt that feeling for many years. Her only source of comfort was the doll that she believed her parents had given her. So she lets him hold her, lets him grasp her like that. "Don't be afraid -

"I'm not afraid."

She bit her lip. "Just trust me," her voice was firm.

She led him out of the ship, step by step. Slowly, allowing him to process what was happening. She can feel his heart beating. He's terrified - he's squeezing her hand that it hurts. Rey keeps going, keeps leading them closer to the outside world. Even though he was hesitating, he followed. He followed behind like the shadow he promised he would be. And that he was. This man dressed in black, this man latching on to her like a joint that connected her bones to another.

She can hear his breathing, it's becoming heavy. Sharp.

The light blinds their vision for a moment until they fixated their gaze on something else, the man that was waiting for them - Master Skywalker.

Master Skywalker stood there in silence. He stared at them indifferently. No anger. No sadness. No relief. Instead, he just stared at them. Master Skywalker was examining them - examining _him_.

Kylo stared back and searched for an emotion, a thought. Anything.

Rey cleared her throat and swallowed hard. "Master -

Kylo squeezed her hand to stay silent. Kylo knows his uncle, knows when he wanted complete silence.

And so she did.

Kylo hadn't imagined what it would be like coming back in years. The last time he thought about it was when he was nearing twenty one. He was six years under the apprenticeship of Master Snoke and yet he wondered what would happened if he came back to his uncle. Young Ben imagined being yelled at, being called a traitor and a disgrace and being rejected from ever coming back. And that's why Ben never came back.

"You've been away for quite some time," his uncle stated calmly. "Your training starts tomorrow."

Kylo blinked and took a step forward. "What?"

Rey blinked as well. She had expected to see fire in her master's eyes. She expected her master to start screaming at him and her but instead he was taking it well. Too well that it was frightening. Eerie.

"I know the things you've done. I know your pain and I know you feel remorse every single day in your life. I know you seek redemption. There's no use in discussing it because it's all laid out before us," Luke responded. "You're not the first person who's strayed from the light and you're not the first member in the family that has."

"Why do you accept me so easily?" he asked.

"Accepting you is one of the greatest things I can do in saving you, save the humanity left in you by giving you my faith. But my forgiveness and trust won't be given so easily, those must be earned."

"I don't seek redemption."

"I know because you already have it, you have her."


	12. Chapter 12

Kylo feels like the helpless boy from years ago.

He watches helplessly as servants appeared and snatch Rey away from him. They take her without a word - it reminds him the times servants would take her like that away from him and she would cry, call out his name. But this is now. She's older. She doesn't call out for him.

Luke holds out his hand, preventing his nephew from panicking. "It's only a check up," he stated to Kylo.

His uncle's words are like fire to him. "Do you honestly think I'd hurt her?" he snarled through gritted teeth.

"No but I know that you laid a finger on her."

"She's only been gone a week," Kylo bit the words out. "She's not malnourished or injured -

"It's better to be safe than sorry," his uncle said dryly. "This is something that's not worth to be discussed."

* * *

The doctor inspects her. Inspects every single inch of her body. "How are you feeling?" the doctor asked.

"I feel fine," Rey said and she did.

The doctor's eyes shifted and went onto her notes. The doctor was an older woman, older than Master Skywalker, Rey could tell by the whites in the doctor's hair."I see," the doctor commented. She then touched Rey's arm to feel her pulse. "Your pulse is fine. Healthy. Now let's check your reaction rate."

"I'm not in shock," Rey said then. She pulled her arm away. Master Skywalker was having her examined to see if she was either physically harmed or affected from the week of being away. "I feel fine," she said again. She bit her lip hard to make herself be patient.

"It's part of policy," the doctor reminded her.

"Policy? Or orders?"

The doctor ignored her and examined her reflexes once more. And then after, she asked Rey to strip down into her undergarments. The doctor went pale at the sight. There were multiple bruises scattered on her stomach and in between the inner part of her thighs. "These bruises -

Rey blushed. "They're love bites," she said quietly. Rey hugged herself protectively then. She had more bruises on her breasts but they were concealed by her wraps.

"Oh. I see - Rey" - pause.

The doctor was quiet.

"I wanted it," Rey said then, answering the question in the doctor's head. "He was very gentle but he's a big man, I bruise easily underneath his weight." The blush deepened and reached to her collarbone. Rey wondered then how it would be like if Kylo still had a lean and thin frame - would it be more pleasurable?

"Were you guys protected?"

Rey blushed again. Unconsciously, she closed her legs as if there was still evidence in her and she needed to hide it. She shook her head feebly. She knew of the pulling out method but they didn't do that. Instead he filled her until he was empty.

"Well it's a good thing it's only been a week," the doctor said gently. The doctor left the room, without saying a word.

Rey's eyes widened at the sight of the needle that the doctor was holding. "What's that?" Rey asked her.

"You don't have to be afraid. You need this. It's a contraceptive."

"Oh," her voice was low. She couldn't help but to feel embarrassed. She grew up poor in a planet that wasn't advanced. What she knew about sex was through listening to conversations from travelers. She knew of contraceptives but they were expensive, a luxury almost. The only people that could afford it were people of high class or prostitute rings.

The doctor placed the injection down to clean Rey's arm first. "This will prevent you from getting pregnant. Do you -do you plan on being active?"

Rey's lip twitched. "I-um," she paused. She didn't thought of that. It didn't occur to her. "Eventually," she answered then.

"Well I'll give you a longer injection, a birth control injection. This will be more painful but it'll prevent you from becoming pregnant for six months," the doctor explained. "When the deadline approaches if you don't want another injection, your body will return back to normal the following day. Do you plan on being monogamous?"

Well, yes? She lost her virginity to Kylo. She can barely wrap her mind around it let alone imagine herself with another person. She nodded slowly.

"That's good. That'll reduce the chances of contracting anything but it's good to get checked up from time to time."

"I'll just a get the contraceptive shot," Rey responded. "I think I should discuss it with...him." She knew the birth control injection was a wise decision but it was a big decision and she felt that she needed to discuss with Kylo.

The doctor shook her head. "I'm given orders under Skywalker to make sure you are safe. We can't risk it."

Rey curled her fingers into a tight fist. It hurts. The injection hurts. It felt like she was being punctured with a knife. It sting - it felt like venom. Rey twitched.

"Almost done."

She counted to ten then.

"There. All done." The doctor rubbed some alcohol on the small puncture and wrapped a bandage.

"Thank you," she said. She got dressed then and headed out of the medical quarters.

She finds him then, sitting outside of the door.

He swarmed to her then and cups her face.

"I'm fine, she said to him as he inspected her. He was inspecting her as if someone had tainted his prized possession. "It was just a check up."

"What's this?" he asked, touching the bandage.

"I got a contraceptive shot," she said quietly.

"Oh."

She watches his face turn red as well. She can sense he was thinking the same thing as well. It didn't occur to them how careless they were. He came into her, released everything down to the last drop.

"Is it a contraceptive? Or a birth control injection?"

"Birth control," she said then. "It's going to last for six months."

She feels Kylo search her mind then. His eyes lowered and he frowned. It felt like a slap in the face. She was forced into having the injection."If my uncle could, he would have sterilized you." And prevent you from ever carrying my child, Kylo wanted to say. Long ago, it was forbidden for Jedi to ever marry. If masters felt like their Padawans will disobey, they would have their students sterilized to prevent it from ever happening. "But his heart softens for you."

"It's only for six months," she reminded him. "Besides it's not exactly the right time. We're in the middle of a war," she blushed then. She hadn't thought of having his child but was speaking as if she did. She's far too young and she doesn't know exactly how she felt about him. He had held her captive for a week but he showed her compassion. They had engaged in intercourse. He had freed her. She doesn't know what she felt about him but they were linked. Intertwined. And she knew he wasn't going anywhere. "And it's not like you wanted me to get pregnant."

He doesn't answer. He cups her face again and stroked her cheek. "No but I do fantasize about it. Not now but the near future." He wanted to impregnate her, craves to. He craves to fuck her every single night until sickness struck her and it was sign he had accomplished his desire.

Rey hid her face in his hand.

* * *

Rey and Kylo roamed around the island for the rest of the day. Master Skywalker allows that, allows them to settle before having them return to training the following day.

Master Skywalker was not fond of the idea of Rey being intimate with his nephew but there was nothing he could do. The two were bonded. This was beyond his control. Luke knew this very well for the Jedi Code had killed his father. That was why Luke had that specific code removed. There was so much Vader in Ben but also a lost boy.

"This will be your room," Luke said to Kylo.

Kylo doesn't say a word.

Luke doesn't mind though. He tries to be civil, tries to withhold his tongue. He knew if he lashed out now, his nephew will relapse and take Rey with him. The only thing Luke can do is ease Kylo back in. Be strategic.

Luke watched Kylo examine the room indifferently. Luke frowned for he knew that Kylo wouldn't be in the room much and instead would be sneaking into Rey's. Luke can longer pull him away from her. Luke had pulled Ben away from her, too far away. "Ben, do you take good care of her?" Luke asked then.

Kylo's eyes widened to the sound of the dead boy's name.

"Yes."

"I'm not talking to you," Luke frowned. "I'm talking to Ben."

* * *

The next day approaches and Rey couldn't help but to be concerned.

Kylo is disconnected with training. He does what he is told, does everything but she sees that he's not happy. He's disinterested. Not passionate. She knew he vowed to stand by her but he was unhappy.

"I'm not meant for this, Rey," he said to her. It was night now and they had finished their last meal. They were supposed to be in their rooms sound asleep but the weren't. He was in her room, brushing her hair. Grooming her. "You know that but I will continue to be by your side."

"What interests you? What motivates you?"

"You."

Rey bit her lip. "Besides that. What makes you passionate?"

Kylo shrugged. "I don't know. I've been controlled my whole life, Rey."

"You always liked reading. Learning." She had always found Ben reading on his free time, she recalled.

"Yes, I do."

A memory surfaces of Ben reading to her, teaching her how to read. She remembers it how engrossed he was in teaching her words, teaching her to connect them with the pictures. Kylo sees her thoughts and brushed her hair even more gently.

"I'd always like teaching others," he beamed.

A smile crept upon her face. "I know." She remembers it, their first fight when he told her that she needed a teacher. She remembers then how well Ben did on all of his written exams - and how easy it was for him to pick up any language. Ben - Kylo - he was more of a scholar than a fighter. "After the war is over, if you could what would you teach?" She knew that all of this was hypothetical but it was nice to think about.

He stopped brushing her hair and thought for a while. "Reading. Literature - or maybe world history - but it's only a dream."

Rey turned to look at him. "Why do you think that?"

He laughed bitterly. "Rey, I don't belong in this world. I have no place here. I couldn't be the chosen one. I couldn't be the loyal follower of Snoke. I couldn't be a general that my parents wanted." He thought about teaching long ago but since the beginning he knew that was out of the question. For how could the son of Princess Leia and Han Solo be only a mere teacher?

"I don't think you're meant to be a fighter."

He blinked.

"I don't think you're meant for any form of violence, positive or negative. I think that's why your whole life you felt so distant from both sides." She touched his hands and held them out to feel his palms. "You have a temper yes. You have violent tendencies yes. But I think that came from all the expectations that people have placed on you."

Her words bring a light in him. "I was never meant for greatness," he said quietly. There was relief in his tone.

"I didn't say that -

"I know, I'm saying it for myself."

* * *

A week had passed. And then another. And another.

Rey had noticed a change in Kylo. He still does training with her. He's more at peace with himself but he was also distant from her. Three weeks had passed since they had ran away together. She knows it was of Master Skywalker's doing. She knew this, felt it in her bones. Now and then, Skywalker would speak with Kylo in private.

He still follows her like a shadow, a second layer of skin but it's been two weeks since they slept together. It's been three weeks since he had kissed her - held her. They slept in separate rooms that were on opposite quarters but he hadn't snuck in to lay with her - to just sleep. It had weeks since he told her that he loved her.

She doesn't know what Luke and Kylo talk about but she knew well that Master Skywalker was responsible for Kylo's distance from her.

She knows that he loves her still. But this was unacceptable. She knew well that Luke was intimidating him, constantly reminding him to not make a mistake in hurting her. Don't get Rey wrong, she doesn't blame Luke for being protective. She's upset that Kylo was letting someone push him around again. Kylo, her Kylo was a force that could never be controlled -

Did she just addressed him as hers?


	13. Chapter 13

He was restless.

Rey knew. She could tell by the way he carried himself. He carried himself in a uniform manner, in a soldier manner. This was not him. This was the boy from years ago. The boy that died many years ago.

She did not yearn for him to crawl into her bed - for she expected him to. She expected him to latch on to her, to hold her. She assumed that naturally they would be intimate after all they had been through and all the history they had with one another.

Does that mean she craved him?

That she wanted him?

She didn't know.

When morning came - on some day - she was beginning to lose track of her days since she had been back on the island - she decided it was time for something different. Out of the routine that Master Skywalker had set for them. She wakes up before the sun does and slips into his room like it was natural instinct. Perhaps it was.

"Let's go visit my friends," she tells him. She doesn't greet him but instead states it.

He blinked several times at her and remained in his bed. "What?"

"We've been training nonstop. We need a day to relax."

"I don't think you know how being an apprentice under Master Skywalker works," Kylo said dryly. He can barely digest addressing his uncle as such again. It was so foreign. Bitter on his tongue. He knows his uncle, he knows that there was no way Luke would allow her to roam freely with him. Kylo was aware that the whole galaxy knows of his return back to the light the same way he knew his uncle was hesitant in allowing Kylo to step foot from the island. It was understandable for his uncle wanted the news to settle in longer to avoid Kylo from being attacked.

Rey shrugged. "I don't like being locked up."

Kylo sat up and frowned at her. "Rey, it's too soon."

She raised her eyebrow. "What's too soon?"

"Me leaving the island and stepping foot on Resistance base."

"It's been almost two months -

"Rey, I'm a wanted a man."

"Kylo -

"Rey," his voice went hard. "I'm a traitor to both sides," he emphasized every word. He watches as her smile faded. His eyes flickered at her and exhaled. "Eventually I will have to face them but as of now it's too soon. It's too dangerous."

"I understand," she swallowed hard. "Can we just have a day together?" she asked then, asked in a hushed voice.

Kylo raised his eyebrow. "Together?"

A blush rose to her cheeks. "Yes - I mean who else would I be talking to?" she asked defensively.

"What do you have in mind?"

"Well originally I wanted to visit friends - but I would like for us to explore the island together. I would like that."

"You know Master Skywalker would not like that."

"I don't care. I want to spend time with you - I mean - I want to spend time away from the constant routine. I'm tired of mediation, sparring, fighting, everything."

"I see," he said calmly.

Was that...was that a smirk? Rey's shoulders tensed in agitation. "Stop that," her eyebrows furrowed.

"Stop what?"

"Looking at me like that."

* * *

They left their quarters as fast as they could. Kylo packed a bag of essentials along with food for the day. Kylo feels as if he was a child hiding from a parent. "This is ridiculous. He can sense us," he mumbled to her.

Rey shrugged as they went deeper into the forest. "I don't care. I want to spend time with you."

"We see each other every day," he reminded her. He feels as if he was a teenager again speaking to her.

Her cheeks went red again. "Yes, but we haven't spent time together."

He stopped in place. His ears burned from her words. They were deep in the forest. They were alone. "I didn't think you wanted that."

"I don't want it! It's just -

"Just what?"

"I miss you," she mumbled out of spite.

He stared at her blankly with a raised eyebrow.

Immediately she crossed her arms and frowned. Ugh. Why was it so hard for her to talk to him with how she felt?

Kylo raised his eyebrow. He didn't understand. He didn't understand what she felt. It was the way she didn't understand how she felt about him. "I'm here. I am here."

She shook her head. "No. You're not. Ben's here." And that was that. That the was shift between them. The distance between. Rey didn't know what Luke has been telling Kylo but she knew whatever it was, it was making him collapse back to the person he used to be.

Kylo shifted from the sound of his past name. Was he acting like the person he used to be? He was aware he was compliant with his uncle - but had he regressed back to the lost boy he used to be? "That person deserves you," he responded. And that was the truth. Rey belonged to that boy.

"I don't want him. I want him as he is now. I want you."

"Rey, I kidnapped you. I hurt you - I hurt you so much."

The words pushed her - he placed his hand on her face. And she felt it, she felt his sadness.

"I forced myself on you -

"No, you didn't -

"Yes I did Rey. And that's the cause of this - the cause of you feeling this way towards me. I forced you to feel like this - and now you believe that it's true -

"Stop." She grabbed his face and pulled him close to her. "No. I don't - Kylo. Is that what Luke's been telling you?"

He doesn't answer but she doesn't need it. His expression was enough for her.

"You did kidnap me," she stated out in the open. She couldn't hide it or act like it never happened and it wasn't like she ever intended to either. What happened had happened, it could never be erased. "But you freed me," she reminded him. "You turned your back on the Order for me. You chose me."

"I kept you as my prisoner."

"For only a week -

"I made you have sex with me -

"No you didn't."

"Rey."

"Kylo." She exhaled. She wrapped her arms him, having his face rest into her throat.

He stays there for a minute. He keeps himself in the warmth of her flesh. And then he pulls away. He stood up and towered over her again, with those dark brooding eyes of his. "How can you possibly want me after all of this? You have a choice now Rey. You are free. And yet you want me? How can you possibly want me?"

"Ky-

"There you are," Master Skywalker called out. "What are two doing? You shouldn't be out here. You should be eating breakfast by now after an hour of meditating." He gestured them to follow him. "Come now. We have to make up for lost time."

* * *

"I love you," she tells him. She says the words out clearly, out in the open. It's late at night and she shouldn't be in his room but she had to say it. "That's my answer to your question from earlier today," she said quietly then. She suddenly felt timid for some reason - for a reason she couldn't comprehend.

He blinked at her. "And what...and what made you come up with that answer?"

She rubbed her arm then. "I thought about it the whole day - it only made sense."

"As in?"

"I don't see myself with anyone else," she bit her lip. "I don't. I don't see myself sleeping with anyone else but you."

She watches it - watches his eyes lit up and then die from his vicious thoughts. "There's so many men that would make perfect suitors for you."

She shook her head. "I don't like it when you go away. Even if it's for a little while - even when you and Luke talk together in private. It reminds me of when you left me."

"It's attachment. That's the feeling you feel towards me. The feeling of abandonment came from me and now that we're together again, you're confusing them for romantic feelings."

"No. Forget everything Luke has told you."

"It's the Force -

"No it's us. It's us that feel this way towards one another. We may have been picked by the Force but it's us that chooses to stay this way. I want to always be together with you." Her chest was constricting from her words. It hurts but it felt so right. She loved him. She... "I'm in love with you," she breathed.

He took her by the hand then and lifted her. He held her so close, brought him so tightly and then he let go and laid her on his bed.

That distance - split as it was, killed her.

She watched as he crawled on top of her. Her body shaking in anticipation. "I'm in love with you and I'm always going to be in love with you," he responded back without any hesitation. "I know I've done so much damage in the past but I promise from now on to always do good for you."

"For me?" she gasped as the weight of his body crushed her. He lifted his weight from her by one hand holding him up while the other stroked her hair. She bit her lip at the sight of his muscles rippling before her.

He nodded. "I'm never going to leave you again. Ever."

"Don't." She stroked his face, brushing the tuffs of hair from his cheek.

"What do you want now?" he asked. He stared down at their bodies, stared at the compromising position they were in.

"I want to feel whole. I want you here."

His lip twitched from her words. He leans and kisses her gently. He kisses her the softest he could as he felt up her body, as he prepared her. Eased her. It's been a while and he's afraid if it's going to hurt her again.

She shook her head, shook the idea that was floating in his mind. _Don't pull away._

 _I won't._

She voluntarily takes her clothes off this time, her body was flushed all over from his gaze. He watched with wide eyes and stared as if he had never seen a woman undressing before, let alone naked. His hand stroked her thigh then, stroked in circles as he admired her. His hand grasped her thigh and flipped her onto her back. She laid still, watching as he disrobed in front of her.

And just like that, they're bare.

They've been naked in front of each other before but this was different. This was a different environment - they shouldn't be doing this - but this feeling - this feeling of emptiness they felt needed to be filled.

He took her hand and showed her how to touch his erection, showed her how to thumb it a bit before sucking. The clear liquid that was streaming out of him was hot, almost near the temperature of his hardness. She sucks him off a bit, lets him bob back and forth into her mouth - lets him push his body into her little mouth.

Kylo pets her head, watching as her mouth adjusted to his width and length - watching as she slipped the whole thing down. She sucks harder, trying to show him that she knows something - he laughs.

"I've slept with a lot of women but none has ever made me feel this way," he assures her. And he meant it. He had been in a few relationships but a majority of his experience came from sleeping with prostitutes.

She bobbed her mouth back and fourth, running her tongue along his shaft and tip.

He rubbed his finger on her cheek and pulled her away. They kissed again.

"In what way?"

"Feeling whole." Kylo was broken but she was broken too. But when they joined together, they were whole. They were one. He kisses her body, kisses her neck, her shoulders and he stops at her arm. He kisses her arm for a bit and then began sucking on a section of her flesh. Rey moaned in response, at the sight. He was biting into her arm deeply, as if he was attempting to suck the poison out of her.

The poison was the shot the nurse had given.

"It's only temporary," she reminded him.

"I know," he sighed. He knew there was nothing he could do about it. He knows it was from good intentions and reasonable reasons but he hates it. He hates that she didn't have a choice in it. He hated that people push her around too.

"You can come in me," she whispered. "You can fill me all you want until the injection wears off."

His dick twitched from the thought. He touched himself, making himself harder for her.

She leaned herself back and stared as rubbed his tip against her folds, slicking it even more. He's bigger than what she remembered. His dick seemed too big for his body even. She notices the veins that outlined his dick and blushed. He's full, she knew. He's full of semen and there's no way she could take it all.

"I want you to try," he said to the thought that was in her mind.

He sucked her nipples as he positioned himself into her. He sucked them firmly, constantly rolling his tongue as he sucked. He pushed himself slowly. First the tip and gradually he pushed the rest of his length centimeter by centimeter.

Rey winced. He's wide, very wide and long. She held on to him as he slid himself into her. She could feel her pussy twitching as he went in.

She's tight but the moistness of her welcomes him. He pushes himself in, fighting away the pressure that was happening with their bodies. She tightened her grip and sighed. _It feels good,_ she thought to him.

Kylo takes that as validation to pound her harder. Faster.

She liked the feeling. She felt complete. He was literally inside her, filling that space in her. The emptiness she felt her whole life.

 _I love you_ , he thought to her, repeatedly as he went in and out. _I love you._

She nodded in agreement. _I love you too - don't ever leave again, please._

 _I won't. I love you - I'll forever be by your side._

 _Promise?_

 _Yes._

 _Kylo._

 _Yes?_

 _Can you do something for me?_

 _Anything._

 _I want you to sleep with me every single night. I want you to come in me every single night._


	14. Chapter 14

He goes to her. Every single night.

And wakes her.

So he could have her.

He stays with her, interlocked hands and all until the sun creeps. That's when he leaves.

It feels natural. Even though they're at it like animals, it makes them feel complete. Whole. Like they're human. Still breathing.

He holds her and strokes her hair every time they finish. Holds her close. Holds her tight. Grips her fingers and squeezes them for safety. She's staring at him with large wide eyes that warms his soul. "It's still hard to believe that this is real," he murmured.

"As in?"

"You're here," he half smiles. "And we're here - like this - one piece."

Rey blushed and rubbed her cheek against his. "I assure you this is very real," she said as she stroked his length. He was still coated in her come and she was full of his, dripping it in ribbons along her thighs.

He kisses her, kisses her gently. "I have to go," he tells her, groaning as he pulls away from her mouth.

"It's alright, we'll see each other soon." In two hours or so, she wanted to add but she doesn't. He wants to sleep with her in the same bed - to share a bed - to wake up to her every morning. But they both knew that was out of the question.

* * *

The morning goes like clockwork. Mediation. Warm ups. Breakfa-

"We need to talk," Master Skywalker ordered. He eyed Rey to go to the eating quarters.

Kylo exhaled, using all his strength to remain calm but his blood was boiling. "Yes? Is there anything that concerns you?"

"Your night visits have to stop. It's affecting Rey from learning."

"My night visits?"

"Don't play naïve," Luke's voice was hard. "She's not focusing like she used to -

"She's in love," Kylo quipped. "In love with me," he emphasizes, using the words as venom. "There is nothing wrong with her. She is alert as ever, faster. Stronger."

Luke frowned but Kylo isn't intimidated.

"Certainly you must of expected for this to happen. You did give her a birth control injection," he adds, drawing more fuel into the fire.

"A man gets shot and gets stitched up, doesn't mean he's allowed to roam freely."

"She and I are bonded. This was bound to happen. You of all people should have known otherwise."

Silence.

Kylo's heart began to beat.

His uncle was the most frightening when he was silent.

Master Skywalker cleared his throat. "I knew this day would come but it seemed such like a long time for it to happen. But you have to understand, that you are not the person you used to be."

"I'm aware. But I will find my way back to the boy I used to be."

"I'm a like a father to her," Luke explained. "You have to understand how I'm concerned for her well being. Yes, you two are meant to be. There is no doubt about that."

"But?"

"You don't deserve to be with her."

Something in him snaps. Something possessive. "You of all people have no right to say that," Kylo growled. "I care for her, I care for her very much."

"You are not the man you're supposed to be," Luke says unwavering. "Not yet, anyways. You have to redeem yourself before you can ever truly deserve her."

"You can't control us, not anymore."

"The more you let this continue the more you're going to damage her. That's the last thing she needs."

"Where were you when she needed you? You speak of her as if you're a mourning father but you're not. She's still here, still alive. She was here along but where were you?"

Master Skywalker frowned. "I wasn't the one who left her on that planet."

Kylo's jaw twitched as his body trembled from anger. "I had to separate her for her protection. Temporary. I expected you to come back for her - I left a note with her exact location. You never did. And you - the great and powerful Luke Skywalker knew where she was all along but you never came back. You were like a father to her - you raised her - and she loved you but you left her on her own. You left her to pity and sulk. Don't blame me for what happened to her. Don't blame me for what I had to do to protect her. I was just a boy and you - you're her father. She was your responsibility but you abandoned her."

"After what you've done - killing all the Jedi and destroying the temple - all the hope and faith I had in you and humanity was gone. What was I supposed to do? You took away all the hope I had in humanity. Your betrayal is my greatest failure. Your actions brought everyone including me pain. I was in no condition to raise her. I knew she was better off without me -

"So what - so she wouldn't turn out like me?"

"Look at her, Ben. She's amazing. She grew up to be everything I ever hoped and more. Having her take care of herself was for the best."

"You and her were supposed to go in hiding together!" Kylo shouted. "And you're wrong. Your greatest failure was letting her down."


End file.
